Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

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lovelost74 04/16/2014

It will be 2 years next week that I found out that my ex had cheated on me with another man. I struggled with getting over her but as they say, time heals a lot. At this point I know that I am over her but I am having a very difficult time separating my ex from all women. Finding it within myself to trust another woman has been very difficult because I tend to mentally question things that before my marriage, I would never worry about. I have learned that I can only control myself and no one else but my question to the group is:

What have you done in regards to learning to trust again?

good2go2001 04/17/2014

I look at trust as something that is not given freely. I have circles of trust that people when they are in my life get mentally placed into. If I have not known the person very long they are in an outer circle of trust and will only move in closer when the time is right for them to have more of my trust.

I think its normal after someone so close has damaged a circle of trust that you would be cautious in allowing others in close and give that level of trust again... its going to take time.

This year it was 13 yrs since i caught my husband in an affair and for a LONG time it was VERY difficult to allow anyone inside the closest circle of trust. Now I do have some people that are close and i do give a lot of trust to but you are right it is a scary thing to open yourself up like that and fear the risk of someone hurting you all over again.

My advice is dont give trust freely but rather let the relationships build over time so you know if you can let them in alittle closer take it slow.

debmul 04/27/2014

While I was living what I thought was a good life, my husband was cheating all over the place...internet, in person...I had no idea whatsoever that he could possibly do this, nor that he would want to. It was only after he'd left me that I found out that he'd been cheating all along. This weekend makes a year since he left. The divorce is still in process (very slowly, and very ugly) and he's still with one of the 'girlfriends'. I guess she's waiting it out for the divorce to be final.

When you think and feel that someone is your very best friend and the love of your life, how in the world do you ever let anyone else into your heart? I can't imagine ever letting anyone that close again. I trusted him completely...did a lot of foolish financial things that I thought were perfectly fine, and now I'm in a mess because of it. He's "living the life" while I struggle. I have medical problems that limit what I'm able to do as far as a job goes, and I'd not worked in several years because of it. He brought my whole world crashing down...from love and trust...friendship...to pure survival. I'm at a loss as to how I'd ever be able to give my heart again. I'm a loving, affectionate, intelligent woman...but I feel like a total fool. Any suggestions?

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