Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
Although I miss marriage: companionship and the intimacy that a relationship involves, I do not pine for my X. Divorced for less than a month, & separated for 2 years- I am in no way ready to date again yet. A divorced friend tells me to try dating sites which she has been enjoying but I cannot see it. she said when her age put her into the over 50 category the responses she received were 80% less than when she was under 50, and now no 40ish men respond. She is athletic, trim and vital, but certainly cannot pass for less than 45. Is it really all about that photo? Does everyone want the younger woman? I do not really want to date someone who is a senior so am I just as awful as the man who wants a younger woman? I am over 50. My x ran of with a woman I could have given birth to, so I am very sensitive to the whole age thing. I have classes and a support group, but it is not the same as being with one person. I feel like I have an uphill battle, because along with everything else that happened, my confidence in my appearance is at an all time low...and it is not just that I am over weight (stress-eating for two years)- it is my whole physical self-image. INSIDE, I feel very confident and free and alive, but to look at me- well, I look like a middle-aged, average divorcee...
If you are not ready then you are not ready. Tell your friend, have fun and enjoy herself and in the meantime don't think there is something wrong with you for not wanting to do the online dating thing.
What I suggest you do, which is something I am doing, is join some meetup.com groups to do social and fun things together with other people. It is nice to be able to do things outside of work and home life with the company of other people who may share the same or similar interests, but without the dating pressure. I am hoping by doing this I will slowly but surely be able to build up my self-confidence with my ability to interract with men and to see who I do and don't enjoy being around. With the meetup groups I have joined several hiking ones, so I am getting fitter while meeting others too, so that is also helping me to feel better about myself. I may even join a ballroom and latin american dance group to brush up on my dancing skills while getting out and about.
Anyway, I hope you will give some meetup groups a try, to help yourself feel better about this new single life you have landed in.
I think one of the really hard things for men (and I can't speak for women, but I suspect the same thing to be true) on dating sites is that 99% of the content on the "about me" part is junk. The same cliches on all of them...
blah blah... my kids are my life... my friends would say I am...blah blah.... SAME FREAKING THING. and after a few dates, you learn that the women (and I suspect men also) put in there what they thought they should and it, in no way, reflects them. With all that no longer telling me anything, what could I use to gauge who I want to send the messages to requesting a date?
As far as the age. The most fun I had in that dating session was with a 48 year old (I was 39 at the time) who, sadly, did not want to date me. The least fun I had was with a 32 year old... because she lacked maturity.
do you think the apparent youth in media is pushing us all to find a younger mate? I don't know.
I just turned 51 and am in the same situation you are...almost exactly...I wasn't seperated for two years; (unbeknownst to me my ex was in a relationship for 1-2 years before I told him to get out becuase I suspected) but still the rest applies. Ugh! I started going to some meetup groups and it has been some help with my self esteem in the sense that it's not all about finding a man, but enjoying other people's personalities, dancing or hiking or whatever your meet up is about and just enjoying myself. I also have tried the dating sites but it is discouraging when 99.9% of the men on there want to find someone 20 years younger than they are! I feel they are full of shallow men and I've heard from a GF that some men she has dated from these websites say there are many shallow women on the sites. There must be men out there that aren't shallow but I haven't tcome across them yet. Of course my experience of being married for 30 years and having found out my ex is a narcissist and was unfaithful many times and planned the entire leaving doesn't make me very trustful of men. Having said that I give people the benefit of the doubt. I think we just need to get out and be social, at least that is my way... and meet up groups is a good way to start! Much luck and love to you!
That said, I was out in Cape Town on business and stayed over a weekend and it meant had time to get my hair done and a few things - felt marvellous after so long and felt a new woman
Everything in its own time - I did separation, custody, divorce, financial separation, sorting out company woes, moving jobs, moving house and am almost on the next item on the list ... me. I am planning to do all the things I used to do before I met my ex husband - bar going to the gym because I cant logistically get it in to my day. Am thinking of doing a fitness video at home instead or getting an exercise bike. Nothing more morale boosting than a bit of pampering.