Hugs, my friend. You do not say how old is your child. If she is old enough to understand what is happening, try explaining without putting your ex down. Do not talk bad about him, it will backfire. Children are smarter than we give them credit. They usually see things that we adults seem to miss. As long as they are not abusive or mistreating your child, there is nothing you can do. My children were young adults when I threw in the towel. But I never talked bad about their father. In fact, I encouraged them to have a relationship with him. But he screwed that up royally. When you see them, just smile, turn around and walk away. The nice slow smile of a snake about to bite. I still do that, separated and divorced almost 10 years and loving my freedom

Well, my recommendation is to be kind, and compassionate - REALLY compassionate towards this girlfriend. Be as generous and kind as you can. Be sophisticated, be funny. Woo her. :D

Be as kind to her as you would be to Melania Trump, for being shackled to that giant buttcrack... ooops. :D

Ahem.

Anyway be very sweet to her. She's clearly a starstruck kid wowed by her professor. I would feel no concern about your daughter being with her, more of a sister relationship than mother/daughter I should think. Don't entangle your darling baby in your personal anger. It's just icky and teenagers resent icky. You don't want to be the guy that gets resented. You want that to be Dad.

I think that if you're just super, super nice to this young thing, that'll be nice and unsettling for both your husband and her. She'll wonder if all those stories he's told her about you not understanding him might be wrong... :D Not impressed with hubby but guys do eventually gravitate to their maturational equals, don't they.

Stay the heck out of it with your baby girl. Just treat it like business as usual. She's going on a playdate, yay. Make sure she remembers dad's birthday. And the new girlfriend's. Make sure on father's day you send her with, I don't know - flapjack mix, or toast and tomatoes. His favourite braekfast. Make your daughter's life easy. Make your daughter's transition easy. make her happy, and make her glad you are such a kind, relaxed, good natured woman. Make her think, privately, that her dad's a giant wally for giving you the kick. Make the new girlfriend wonder the same thing.

This is the line I took with my darling baby daughter and she thinks the sun shines out of my butt because I have been so easy to handle.

it's had a payback. My mother, with her world war 3 technique, caused many problems, one of which was us never telling her when we were seeing dad. She'd find out at the last moment, or find out afterwards. boy did that make her mad. But having to deal with her moods was just too much for us. She didn't say much, but we knew.

So make sure you keep that stuff away. :) Draw a pretty picture for yourself and stick with it. You've got the next 20 yrs to bump into this pair, think graduations. Think weddings. Make it easy now and it's much easier later.

But be SUPER nice to the new girl. Super nice the way you'd be super nice to a terminal cancer sufferer. If you can squeeze a subtle touch of pity in there that'll be even better. You want her to wonder if she just bought a lemon.

Oh and don't worry: your daughter is totally yucked out by dad and his cradle-snatching ways. She may not wish to discuss that however. So you just carry on. Smile. Pack those lunches.

you will actually get your reward for this. What will start out as a subtle act of violence and hatred will change into acceptance and good nature. honestly. You've had a lucky escape. Your husband was always like this. good to find out now, and not in 20 yrs time.

omg. i understand you.. its a punch in your guts every time.. i just can say to you those days do someting really nice for you. use that time just for you. a spa day conditiner your hair. eat something you love.. nurturing yoursel.. in the healing process.. i just finish my divorce 1 week ago. and i cry a lot this sunday when he pick up my kids to invited them to eat the delicious food i cant afford. with the exotic butter i nevet bought.. showing them what fantastic and expensive food they eat without me!!.

Thanks everyone I know so many people in the world have gone through the same thing it's just so painful right now
I think never knowing why he left and feeling like he took away our forever family hurts all over again with his news
He is literally starting over with a 23 year old. We met when we were 23. I just feel so hurt that he could hurt me so badly and it not affect him at all and he gets to find some girl who thinks he's so wonderful even her parents approve of this which shocks me. I know I have to stop letting him still control my happiness it's just hard to let it go. My head knows I need to but my body is reacting in a different way
It's like my hurt feelings just came back again after I was doing so much better with the end of our marriage

I just found out my ex who left after having an affair with a married co-worker is now back with the co-worker. She is still married. I asked him if he was willing to lose a relationship with his four children (adults) because of this and he said, "there feelings are there feelings". REALLY! He claims to love me and WANTS TO BE MY FRIEND. I don't understand. What is wrong with people. Everyone tells me just to accept. I'm trying. I'm really trying. I hate that my kids have to watch their mother act like a nut sometimes. Now-for you. Sounds ridiculous, but I sing the Beatle song "Let It Be" to remind me to do just that. Meditation of some kind seems to help to decrease anxiety levels. Be a good mom. Do the best you can. Your daughter will understand one day sooner then you may thing what kind of man your ex really is. My son, very intelligent, told me that it just discredits me when I demand things and seem as if I'm painting my ex in a bad light. I see it as just telling the truth. Everyone wants me to sweep it under the rug. He has changed my entire life. By the way, I'm 57. Good luck with things. My heart goes out to you.

Here's my thought - the rebound relationship he's having with a woman nearly half his age will likely not last long. I remember being 23 and I remember being in college. I also remember being 43. Two different worlds there entirely. Two totally different life stages. You think he's moved on successfully because he's dating, but I don't think so. Moving on successfully means taking a long hard look at yourself, figuring out what went wrong with the marriage, fixing that thing in you that contributed to your part of the breakup, and healing from it all. I'd say he rebounded on, not moved on. The two of them are on different planets, and eventually one of them will realize it and will break it off. Until that happens, yes your daughter will witness their relationship. It's unfortunate that this is happening, if an attachment forms with the GF and they break up, your daughter will have to deal with that, and you can help her with that down the road. In the meantime, encourage her to be kind and pleasant to dad and the GF. She's learning every day to get along with people she may not necessairly want to be with - teachers, classmates, teammates, dad's GF. She's learning from you, so set a good example yourself.