Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
I put up the Christmas tree yesterday and was overcome with emotion - regret, disappointment, sadness, and frustrations. Literally made me fell ill. My ex was coming over to help decorate the tree - this is for my sons benefit he is autistic and routine/tradition is important to him. It was actually not too bad, but I kept focusing on my son.
The wrongness of it all drives me crazy - the fact that he is seeing his ex-wife who cheated on him multiple times and then came looking for him encouraging him to have an affair even though she knew about our son still makes me very angry and dominates my thought someday its like I cant shut down the thoughts- this is not fair, she a monster, its not right what she did or what he did, I fell miserable while they have a relationship (not that it will last), so unfair, blah blah blah. I wish I could just turn off the thoughts. I have always had a finely tuned sense of right and wrong and justice - there is no justice here. I dont want him back, but I hate the situation. I try to focus on my life and my future, but the thoughts keep dragging me back down.
The wrongness of it all drives me crazy - the fact that he is seeing his ex-wife who cheated on him multiple times and then came looking for him encouraging him to have an affair even though she knew about our son still makes me very angry and dominates my thought someday its like I cant shut down the thoughts- this is not fair, she a monster, its not right what she did or what he did, I fell miserable while they have a relationship (not that it will last), so unfair, blah blah blah. I wish I could just turn off the thoughts. I have always had a finely tuned sense of right and wrong and justice - there is no justice here. I dont want him back, but I hate the situation. I try to focus on my life and my future, but the thoughts keep dragging me back down.
Sadly these thoughts will continue to creep in until you do the healing work. Have you taken the time to honor the thoughts/feelings and to nurture yourself when they happen? It would be nice to just turn them off, but they are trying to tell you something. You may not have grieved fully. Grief takes time and in your case, it sounds like it ends up being reeatedly thrown in your face as you continue to do what you feel is right for your son. It's hard to ignore the hurt and sadness when the ex is part of you and your son's life.
This is why I highly recommend counseling with a qualified therapist.
Until then, please take the time to honor your feelings. Write him a letter. Write her a letter. But DO NOT SEND/GIVE IT TO THEM!!!! Burn the letters & create a funeral like ceremony around the burning. Write as many letters as you need/want to.
Allow yourself to cry, yell, scream, stamp your feet - whatever it takes to express your feelings. Move your anger out by doing something physical like rolling up a magazine and beating the crap out of a pillow. (of course not in front of or in ear shot of your son)
Your healing is paramount to your son's well being. And that includes coming to some resolution within yourself about the injustice of the situation. It sucks, no doubt about it. IMHO, all children, especially autistic children, pick up on our feelings, even when we are doing our best by acting like nothing is wrong. Kids are very perceptive.
Wishing you and your son all the best.
~healing hugs~