Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

1,650 Members

1,884 Posts

0 Online

felifel 05/06/2015

Just when I was getting adjusted to everthing and thought I had everything planned out my ex tells me the other day that he wants to take a job out of town. This would require him to move about 100 miles away! We currently have a good schedule - he has her a few days out of the week and on some weekends. If he moved she would probably only end up seeing him once or twice a month at the most! I understand he wants to make more money for himself and for his daughter (his current job sucks) but I still feel like my daughter and I will suffer from this. He told me he would like me to eventually move to the L.A. area, too. I am actually from there and all my family is there. So while it would be nice to be close to my family and friends, I have my life in this town now. I would have to leave my current job, which happens to be a good job! I was also planning on purchasing a home here, which I may never be able to do there due to housing costs. And last but not least, I am in a relationship now and don't want to have to leave him behind. I feel like I lose either way. If he leaves and I stay, I will be the one caring for our child 95% of the time with no help and no personal time. Our daughter will also miss him terribly. Any advice? Has anyone had to deal with an ex moving? How did it work out?

Missy73 05/07/2015

I understand that if your ex moves you will have less help with your daughter but you're divorced. It's not uncommon for people to move on. It would be great for you both as well as your daughter if you wanted to move to LA but it sounds like you have a good thing going where you're living. Why does your ex's desire factor into your decision-making? One of the benefits of divorce is that you get to chart your own course.

I don't know how things work in CA but where I'm from you would be entitled to additional child support not only if he gets a better paying job but also if you have physical custody of your daughter for a larger percentage of the time. While that doesn't compensate for the absence of the other parent, at least you'd have the money to pay for a sitter so you can continue to take care of the errands you currently run while your daughter is with her father.

11Christmases 05/07/2015

If I remember correctly from what you posted in the past, you and your ex are doing a 50/50 thing where your daughter switches houses several times per week and thus your ex does not pay child support. I would take this opportunity to see if his better-paying job, and less frequent visitation entitles you to receive more money, pretty much the same as what Missy said. Your stories about your ex remind me a lot of mine. Although your daughter will miss him, she is probably better off in the long term if she spends most of her time with you. That said, I would probably be pretty upset if my ex moved away at this point, as well. Whatever you do, don't make any major changes to your life until you are sure he will last in his new job.

felifel 05/07/2015

Thanks! Yeah, I'm not going to make any major changes until I know what is going to happen. For all I know, he may think he can easily get a job over there but it may not work out. If it does work out for him, I will be able to receive more for our daughter. I think my ex's move is affecting my decision making because I want him to see our daughter often and spend time with her. If I didn't have all my family where he wants to move, I probably wouldn't even consider moving. But the fact that they are there makes it tempting to make the move. Moving would be a major change though and it's kinda scary.

Join the Conversation