Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
Ok all heres the problem,again with another long talk with the H,he is going to see his therapist tomorrow to discuss the issues at hand and hope fully for new meds,as he has been on his for yrs now and i feel they are just not doing the job anymore(clinical depressive he is)Xanax and Serzone he is on now.....he says he wants to give it another shot with us,and i believe he was sincere this time,I told him my therapist is in the middle of changing my meds as well.....I feel like i am stuck between a rock and a hard place now,I told him we need counseling together,he is still hesitant on this,my question to you all is has this happened to anyone else here?and if so what if anything did you do about it?? I did tell him lets see what the dr says tomorrow and go from there,my head is telling me to stay because we have been together for 18yrs,but then my heart is telling me,that his hi honey i'm home happy go lucky attitude will only last so long yet again.
I am very lost and confused now,and i really dont know how to take this...any help or advice is appreciated .
I am very lost and confused now,and i really dont know how to take this...any help or advice is appreciated .
My suggestion? Tell him calmly what you need from him. Calmly. You are an equal part of this relationship and he needs to hear that you need from him just as he needs from you. So, tell him what you need from him.
Give him a time limit to do it. No bugging. No more discussions. No nagging. Just sit back and watch how he handles this - how he see his responsibility to YOUR needs. Is he going to say, 'hey this matters to her and I want her so I'll do it' or is he going to say,'this will all blow over. She's just blowing smoke up my ass. Screw her and what she needs.'
Remember. No nagging.
If the time limit comes and he still has done nothing, you know, then, what you have to do. If he really picks up the ball and runs with it to keep you in his life, you also have your answer.
Worked for me. I left.
Take care...L~
Good judgement call, woman!
L~
I would like to add, maybe give him 2 wks to SHOW change if no signs of change exist then his method is not working and he MUST agree to counseling. If, during couseling he is showing change...
A month is too long without professional help in a marriage.
It took me 3yrs to leave the marriage. Each time, there WAS NO PROFESSIONAL help so the relationship failed -- we didn't have professional direction or no direction, no plan to follow.
It's obvious, he wants you, you guys are stuck in a rut. I believe the ex wanted me but just didn't want OR know how to change. He was not bitter towards me at all during the time I told him and up to 2 months later that I moved out.
He was very nice and easy to get along with 8 yrs later when he called me at work.
Your H wants to get along and make this work but is hesitant on change. Many of us don't like to change our inner self especially when it's put to us in a negative tone. I gave it to the ex in many different ways, but the bottom line was going to counseling to straighten HIM out. I think this is why he didn't agree to go to counseling.
The last draw was that the Ex didn't agree to counseling. I knew we were going nowhere w/o counseling. 2 people stuck in a rut -- don't know how to change, I guess including me -- I believe I wasn't the cause of the relationship going south.
This Marriage NEEDS professional help. You could just tell him to agree to this or you leave.
Get DETAILS, DETAILS, LOTSA DETAILS from him how he's going to change and to put a date on when this change is taking place.
Wish you a lot of luck
take care,
-I stayed in mine even though it was literally and physically making me sick (I am allergic to wheat and he works in a grain elevator and refused to shower and put his clothes straight into the wash machine) I stayed because of the kids-i had thrown him out once 14 years ago and made him go to a thearpist for a drug and alcohol problem if he wanted to come back and he stopped the drugs and alcohol so and I took him back for the kids--of course over the last year he started getting back into pot and drinking -don't know about anything else) but he kept it hidden from the kids. I put up with a lot -then I found out this winter I need my knees replaced -and he found someone (his words) that can work and clean house so he doesn't have to work so hard--other than getting over the shock and the feelings of betrayal I will be better off in the long run -
But if your staying for now, you need a plan on HOW to make it work.
Along with change, 1 or both need to think differently in order for the new change to be permanent and this is where a professional comes in.
I didn't have a plan and structure on how to begin the change which most of us don't know how to do so the marriage failed.
Like I said it took me 3 different times to leave and finally had enough. I don't think anyone person leaves the first time.