Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
Hi all~ I'm a divorced mom of a 7 (almost 8) year old son. My divorce was final in November 2010, and I started seeing someone seriously in October 2011. My son and boyfriend have met within the past 4 months, and are still trying to get to know each other and get used to each other.
My boyfriend and I love each other very much and have a wonderful time when we're together - alone. he told me last night that he's having a hard time sharing me with my son. I understand that things are different when it's 3 of us, vs. just he and I. I feel stuck and helpless.. Is there anything that I can do that will help ease the situation? Or is this mainly his issue that he will have to deal with and decide whether he can accept it? How long do these "adjustment periods" last? This situation has me so stressed.
My boyfriend and I love each other very much and have a wonderful time when we're together - alone. he told me last night that he's having a hard time sharing me with my son. I understand that things are different when it's 3 of us, vs. just he and I. I feel stuck and helpless.. Is there anything that I can do that will help ease the situation? Or is this mainly his issue that he will have to deal with and decide whether he can accept it? How long do these "adjustment periods" last? This situation has me so stressed.
the odds are against you. you should probably only date men with kids.
I understand the situation completely. I was there and I felt guilty for those feelings. I felt neglected when we were all together. The child took ALL of his attention.
We were not together for very long when WE decided to go to California, to Knotts Berry Farm & other grown-up events & he wanted to take his kid. I objected because again I was going to be neglected. I was going to pay $50 bucks to get on a ride--ALONE!! I said to him, "What are you going to do with me? He didn't answer. I said, Those rides are only for 2 people, what are you going to do with me? He Never answered me--just took our problems to his family!! Sure I could ride the ride alone but I didn't go on this trip to be alone. It was our first trip while dating!! No more trips after this one was planned, I knew better!!
We went to a pricey water park in town- I didn't exist there either; I was by myself there too.
Christmas at church-I didn't exist either. The child whined (4yo) and they went outside BUT he FAILED to explain to him, they would have to go back inside!! He stayed outside with him while he ran and played in the church parking lot so I went outside to see what was going on to see why they had NOT come back inside; he stopped whinning BUT they never went back inside; I was furious. The child wasn't put to bed early, no restrictions existed, so he stayed up all night till 2 a m or longer so I went to bed alone too. The child got up BEFORE the sun--came busting in our bedroom wanting to get up, the boyfriend got up; WE didn't even wake up together!! Sometimes the togetherness disappears even when a couple is in the same area. We never resolved this, I felt guilty discussing it and I didn't know how to fix this--we went our separate ways. WE were crazy about each other. I recently recieved an email from him--but he's married!! perhaps in a different life we'll meet up again. He was from high school days too. TIMING!!
In my world, my son will ALWAYS come first. I am a parent 365 days a year. his father does not live close by. nor wish to spend time with him.
Any man that has difficulty sharing me with my young child can hit the road. I just experienced this. I have been divorced for 5 years now. I only started dating again a year and a half ago and found myself in a relationship with a military man. He was also divorced but had no children of his own. I told him straight up from the get go, that NO ONE meets my son until I am completely sure of that person and know it will be a long term thing. He claims he understood that, and even went as far as saying he respected that as he grew up in a divorced home with a mother who had a revolving door of men and paid NO attention to him as a child.
He never met my son. And Im GLAD I didnt allow it. We broke up and he decided to move back to California. He claimed at the end that he had a problem with sharing my time with my kid!!! ridiculous!!
Know what I have to say to that? Hasta Lavista!!
and thank GOD my son didnt meet him. He doesnt need any more confusion. My personal life is just that..personal.
If it means Im alone until I have a grown child of 18, then so be it. NO ONE will ever get between my son and I. And certainly not someone who cant "share" their time.