I think it is wonderful that you are honoring your inner knowing and taking the time to heal. Knowing you have enough emotional capacity to love yourself and your kids is also a good thing, as is finding a level of acceptance of your situation and where you are with it. These awarenesses will help you to heal.

IMHO, I think that many of us don't allow ourselves enough time to recover from all the losses that come w/breakups and/or divorce. Others advise us to 'get back out there.' And while they're probably trying to help, that suggestion can actually be anything but.

So good for you for knowing and standing in your truth. And thank you for posting this because I think what you said here will help a lot of people who are struggling right now.

~healing hugs~

agreed :) to both of you :)

personally dating is a foreign language to me at this point.. so off my mind.. I'd like to think I'll get there soon.. but I'm not in a hurry to add more to my life either..

I have a friend who has been in the dating world after divorce a long time now.. and she didn't give herself alot of time to heal, or even find her way alone.. she just jumped into a new relationship because having a man on her arm made her feel better about herself.. regardless how worthless that man was or not..

I've been watching her struggle for years, and now suddenly I'm in the same pool as she is.. but I refuse to allow myself to join the dating pool with that mindset.. you need to give yourself a chance to heal and find new goals.. then when your ready to date, date someone who enhances your life.. not challenges it.. I have watched my friend burn soo many relationships and just jump back on the horse out of fear..

give yourself some time, I think its a great plan :)

Yes, I agree...It's been 1 1/2 yrs. since Sep. and 1 mo. since D, and I don't feel ready to date yet either. I have a 2-year old daughter, and am just able to give to her and myself as well. I need to have patience to wait for healing to happen, because I keep wanting to have someone in my life-especially when you're used to having a complete family unit/relatives, etc. I'm stuck in another country, because my ex brought me here, and I don't even have any family here...so it makes me feel extra lonely. But I have to be steadfast in not letting myself rush into anything anytime soon. I think it would only end in catastrophe at this point.
I just try to spend a lot of time with friends and that helps a lot.

It is true that while you are healing, you really can't give yourself to anyone else. Healing is a selfish process but it's an important one.

The statistic for second marriages is that 67-80% of them end in divorce. i would venture a guess that this is in direct correlation with how quickly the relationship starts after the first one ended.

You need time to regroup and figure yourself out before you can even contemplate giving yourself to someone else.

Smart decision to wait.
ilostitinthedivorce.com

One thing I read is that simply because marriages stay together doesn't mean they were successful or good. It's really a broken metric. But I do agree, people should not get re-married unless they know it will work. In order to know it will work, that's quite the compatiblity and experience with someone before being "married."

After my first marriage, it took me seven years to even think about dating. Some friends talked me into it finally. Ugh...
This is my second marriage that will end if I can find the money.
And this is the straw that broke the camels back. I'm done.
I know many have said that before, but I don't need any more problems in my life.
I want to feel free to do normal things again. Instead of feeling like I'm breaking probation. It gives me real panic attacks just going somewhere, and like I am being timed. And I have never done nothing to deserve that.
I want to spend the rest of my years..my way.
So if a person is thinking of dating, be sure it is what you want and can handle.

It's funny, when my wife dropped the bomb and bolted I was in panic mode and thought I needed to find someone. After 24 years im realizing I was just afraid to be alone. But 16 months later I'm appreciating the "non drama" in my life. I dated a bit 8 months or so post split but really wasn't ready, but now I'm just not sure if I want to. I spent 24 years with someone but now I can do what I want, even if that means watching sports and eating pizza in the living room with my feet on the table without her freaking out lol. I just don't know if I want to take the plunge again. There's a lot to be said about being single so I'm not forcing anything. And my ex still hasn't worked in a year so I dodged a ballistic missile there, she was always broke when she did work and I covered the household bills. Let new guy pay for her shit.

Starting to get a glimpse of these things myself, and its good! I'm looking more and more to it actually.