Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

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Cool parent vs. Bitch parent.

cmshinn
cmshinn
So my daughter just recently received her license. Today was the first time she got to drive to her father's for their court ordered visit in the car that I helped her buy, not him, me. The court order says 'no overnights'. However her father calls and says that she's spending the night cuz she's been drinking. She is 16 yrs old. This is one of the reasons I fought for no over nights. Her father is not only an alcoholic but he is a nasty violent drunk. If I call the cops, my daughter will hate me. If I say nothing, it's like I approve. I am so mad and dissapointed in my daughter right now I actually can't talk to her cuz I'm afraid of what I might say.

Am I wrong?
refurb
refurb
You are smart not to call her when you are hopping mad
Add to it that she had a few drinks
She won't listen to what you say
She'll only hear anger
And won't process it correctly

You are correct in that giving a 16 year old. A few drinks is wrong on a lot of levels, I can accept a rational adult / parent teaching a teen how alcohol works, letting have a beer at home in private
This lesson is not to seem cool to them, it is teach them how to live in the social world of an adult

Your daughters nitwit father wanted to be cool
He did not have get best interest in mind

Your daughter , yes I would feel as you do,
It is easy for me to say what follows, because she is not my daughter
... Remember she is 16 and will make some poor choices, you need to approach in whAtever way that she may listen

Also.. You do have her best interests in mind so keep a cool head so that you can think clearly about how to handle this
You also not an extra cool head because her father is not capable of being daddy

Take care,
Misred
Misred
I certainly hope he did not provide her with alcohol and was jerking your chain. You need advice from a lawyer. He needs to be threatened in a way to either make him be serious or not allow her to drink. Next thing you know, all her friends are going to be hanging out over there because drinking is allowed. This must stop
patti22
patti22
At the least, you go pick her up. She doesn't stay, she doesn't drive, he doesn't drive her.

I'd be over to pick her up and we'd talk in the next day.

It would likely take me a week or two to go back to get the car... That's natural consequences...

I don't know if I'd punish her. That would depend on if it was a first thing, if I ever thought it would happen again, etc, etc.

I'm not super big on "punishments" to begin with. I might change rules about the car though...
darcyld
darcyld
Unfortunately it depends on your state, but as long as you are in your house you can provide whatever you want to your kids. Like alcohol, cigarettes, even weed! to your children. Now, if you think your daughter has alcohol poisoning you can call 911 to the house and let them determine it. BUT regardless, if you are in close enough distance, I would go get your daughter and leave her car at her dad's and you bring your daughter home and you don't go pick her car up for weeks!! (Yes, take the keys with you and lock them up!) I'm sure your EX just wanted to be the "cool" parent, but he will ruin your daughters life!!