I met my husband at 16 we grew up in a deprived area and were products of that, I had a lot of love, see a lot of boozing & people getting drunk, my husband had a bully for his dad & older brother.  We got together younge had many ups and downs went our own ways and got back together in our early 20s initially there was drugs alcohol violence all the consequences that come with that life.   He got clean &!sober and so did I, we went in to have a child.  If I look at my ways I pacify I don’t like to rock boats, give in to avoid confrontation.  I get really anxious around aggression and where it leads, he’s very controlling (hands up I allowed) he don’t like tv so it has to be switched off, music has to be turned down he became a taker very self entitled.  About 12 years ago I got up and my back just went I could stand I’ve had numerous operations and became very reclusive it was like another persons life.   Independent I could still manage with most tasks just a lot slower and the intense pain just took over.  He then on paper became my carer this meant he didn’t have to work got a disabled car etc he then had charge of my money plus rented his property out.  Coming from nothing I’ve never really cared for the material stuff he did clothes shoes and where my self worth was so low I allowed it to carry on.  Any challenge he would get angry give me the silent treatment for days or manipulate.  During this time his dad got ill and needed residential care he refused to get involved so on my crutch I would go back and forth to visit and make sure he was being looked after, it took a lot of time fighting authorities who is responsible for his care but I did it as this old man with dementia could no longer look after himself.  It helped me actually my parents died young so I wasn’t able to do that for them I loved playing his favourite music.   Anyway he started to train to be a can driver so maps go on walls and again I support hear him call but it had become so loveless or I was noticing, I asked for control of my money this was the first outbreak I still helped him but he took that as a personal insult.  I then arranged couples therapy he thought he could control that obviously he couldn’t last too long but I did.  I then stopped the carers money he no longer gave me a lift now was not even speaking to me and after 22 years said he needs to find himself and learn how to love himself.   By now it was so blatant I agreed he gave a date (his sons birthday) that came & passed then bought himself a blow up bed, funny thing is he never touched me anyway.  On occasions every 6-8months of porn watching I’d be summoned to perform again all about him again I had no self belief no sense of worth but the blow up bed done it.  He nearly had his badge so I knew he’d be ok and asked him to leave!! He took the most petty things ironing board iron pots and his Gucci shoes etc.    After 6 weeks of nothing I was crushed and sent an email I felt so vulnerable he ignored it.  Then our son who still lives with me went to see him he came back and said mum he’s skint he’s got not petrol money or food.  So I sent another email offering help I wouldn’t leave anyone hungry.  So he’d come round to get money have his washing done talk about how nice his flat will be but no mention of the relationship.  He then would write down what he borrowed so he could pay me back.   Soon as he got out earning nothing no money paid back just blank.   I’m so aware the relationship was done but the way he’s chose to do it after I can’t understand (yet deep down I know it’s so he don’t have to offer any financial help or a lift) months before he left after years in a home his dad died I still have his ashes obviously an ironing board meant more to him.  My elder son recently got a flat with his partner which is lovely he seems so happy.  But it leaves just me and my younger son in a large space that now feels so empty.  My son has been affected as he don’t know what’s going on I’ve tried to be as calm as I can but what feels me with so much shame & guilt is all that shit became normal to me but to him, I’d hate him to think that it’s ok to treat a woman like that, he also bullied him which we have spoke about but after the unjust way he chose to do it, I feel so worthless. So disregarded like rubbish.  Even what I borrowed him after he left I had to threaten small claims court.  Then he responded asking me to sign a piece of paper that once he pays that he no longer owes me money.   I never knew him I think if he’d had an affair at least there’s a reason for his behaviour.   I know there’s nothing I can do but I’ve lost so much weight, I worry financially and just feel like I’ve aged overnight.