This is exactly my situation with the added complication that my son has autism (high functioning) and my ex does not follow the routines and strategies for him that are in place. It is very frustrating. Right now he sees him every couple of weeks, but never calls between visits, never asks how he is doing in schiool or any other way - yet he gets to have legal say in my sons life. It makes no sense to me either and it is infuriating. A lawyer has told me that here in Canada, if the father shows even the remotest interest in the child, the Mom will not get sole custody - it will be shared.

I know it seems terribly unfair but the reality is you chose this guy to be your child's parent. Even if he belatedly shows interest in participating in your child's life, a judge is going to want to encourage that involvement unless he poses a danger to the child. In theory children are better off with both parents involved. Given that a judge is likely to side with him, your best strategy may be to seem amenable and put forth suggestions as to how the father can gradually be included in the child's life. Even though it's not what your really want, you want to come across as the reasonable party. If your ex doesn't follow through or isn't cooperative, you can then take the position that you did everything in your power to make it work. Best of luck.

I realise that my comment will not be a popular one, but what makes you think that your ex DOESN'T have a right to co-parent? Presumably when you were together and you did the majority of the carer role he was out working to bring money into your household. Fathers DO have a legal right to some things but in the UK, as in the USA, they are often prevented from doing so by bitter ex-wives. I do know what I am talking about as I am divorced too and he has hardly ever supported his daughters financially or emotionally - but I do not have the right to say that he cannot have an opinion on their upbringing, merely that I may not always agree with him!

I do agree with Missy73. At least the dad WANTS to co-parent. I have struggled with this since my divorce nearly 2 years ago. Because of jobs and living situations, my children live with their father and I have been kept out of the loop. I WANT to co-parent with my ex, but he has been very stubborn! I have had to put it in our parenting plan that I have equal access to schools & teachers & health, mental, dental info. My EX simply does not want me involved and I try my hardest to be involved in my childrens care and well being. But put in an effort to be "nice" (judges like to know that you are trying - it will look favorable for you) and co-parent and when the father doesn't come through and shows disinterest, than mark those down and if it is a lot, than you can always go back to court and show the judge that you have proof that the father really doesn't want to co-parent. I'm pretty sure the father just wants "control" over you and his son. Some people think if they co-parent, it will be less child support or whatnot and that is NOT the case!

Thanks for the comments. No disrespect, but a child is not always "better off" with both parents involved. When one is an abusive, narcissistic person, and is only involved to gain attention, prove a point, or control the family, that is not better off for the child. It creates anxiety, tension, and quite a bit of anger. So generally, it is fine to say that, but one cannot say that for every situation. And I am not meaning to be defensive when I say that yes, I chose this man to be our son's father, but at the time, he was a good person. It was only after our son's birth that he changed. I do suggest you research narcissism, it is a very interesting topic that applies to more people than anyone actually realizes.

And I'd be happy to answer your question, Lindsey. While he was out working, I was out working. And when I was home with our son, he was down the street drinking with the neighbors, one of which he had an affair with, and on the weekends he was off on his motorcycle or helping friends with their home and car projects. I researched care providers and schools for our son, no involvement from his father. "Ok, whatever you think" was always his response. I scheduled and took our son to every doctor appt, dentist appt, counseling appt, taking time off work to do so. His time off work was to go on trips out of town with his buddies. I put our son to bed every night, and got him up and ready every morning. I do have to give credit to his father that he did give our son his evening baths, and he cooked dinner (although it was never until 9 so he could have his drinks. He didn't even want joint custody after the divorce because he wanted to move 180 miles away to be with another woman. Now, he has no idea what goes on in our son's day-to-day life, what his needs and desires are, but he thinks he should be able to make decisions about him. How can anyone make a decision when that person doesn't have the facts? And when I do try to consult with him, he ALWAYS disagrees with me. Is this helping to answer your question? I am bitter, yes. He does nothing to help, but he thinks he can make decisions based on, well, really nothing. I like to compare it to him being a fan in the stands, screaming at the coach on the field that he is making bad decisions, even though he was not in on the planning that went into the reason to call that play. Does that help explain it?