Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
My stbx cheated on me with a woman I could easily have given birth to. She also cheated- was married at the time they met. They have been living with eachother for the last year and a half. At first I wanted to reconcile and he led me to believe it was over between them, but it was just another lie. I cannot be happy for him as he wants. (!) I want to see their relationship end. I admit it! How do I stop thinking about them?And YES, I am busy, I take classes, I dance, I work on the house and my career, I got a new hair cut, I am in a support group...but at night...I often have thoughts of them creep into my brain that keep me from sleeping.( I already have a different bedrom, a different bed) The divorce is not even final and stbx acts and though I am some kind of Victorian because it bothers me that they moved in together before we were divorced . My values were something that once drew him to me when I was a young woman. Our teens are spending time with her in their lives. They say they don't respect her but that she seems nice. this drives be crazy. How do you get past this? They have never heard her once say anything about the affair, or apologize (although they knew about it before I did!) What happened to values? Doesn't anyone read The Scarlet Letter, anymore? (that was a joke) I know that the kids still have feelings for their father, although they are very mixed now because they have lost respect for him (he left us in a terrible financial mess, too- I pay for almost all of the kids' expenses). Why do I still have sleepless nights- even though I abslolutely Do NOT want to be with the man anymore myself? Friends say it sounds as though this were a crutch for my husband (couldn't afford to live on his own) and a rebound for her and that it probably won't last... why do I think about it so? Must add, too that my oldest is over 18 and she is still furious and will not see her dad. I am so tired of hearing her complain and he won't meet her at her therapist like she asked him to do.(says the therapist is an idiot) She has special needs and this has been hard so hard for her, too. Her situation keeps everything in the fore front and harder for me to let it all sit on the back burner or be forgotten. SO frustrated. Will I stop thinking about my stbx and gf? Will it get easier? Will I be able to get to the point where I REALLY don't give a damn?
tryn2bhappy
I could have written your journal.. I too found out from my children .. I too wanted to reconcile.. I too have nights where i cant turn off the brain and i too, NOW o longer want to see this person let alone get back together.. I do hope we can emulate Rhet in Gone with the Wind . I guess time will tell. My divorce is done done yet either (over 5 yrs in the making) perhaps once it is done, we will find our way of moving on.. I hope so..
deleted_user
I think a lot of times they are drawn to one another because, well, obviously guilt is not at play...at least not between the two of them. Serial cheaters in particular are drawn to each other. And they usually have no issue throwing their marriages away for an affair because they can both say they gave something up for each other.
tryn2bhappy
good point daddy.. i do think they deserve each other.. esp when two married people are involved.. break up of two families.. i dont understand how they can be so arrogant and think that it will not happen to them in return.. but then, if the participants are old enough, they dont have 25+ yrs to give anyone let alone get bored..
Rainietoo
This is a big one! When my first husband and I broke up he got together with my best friend. I was devastated. I had thought we were taking a break and would reconcile one day. I wouldn't even get relief from them when I slept because then I would dream about them. They were constantly in my head and I hated it! I tried to keep busy to chant mantras every time they entered my head but nothing seemed to work. I then began to pray and ask God to give me strength I needed to get through. Every day I would pray that and I began to have hours of relief. Then a day. Then my thought pattern began to change. I talked to a friend and she told me to pray for them. PRAY FOR THEM!!! NO WAY I thought. But it was amazing, once I did, not meaning a word of it but just going through the prayer, Dear God please bless X and X today. I often added in open their eyes to the horrible people they are and all that stuff BUT eventually.....it got better. Little by little. Some days I couldn't pray for them and some days I could. It didn't help that she would call me often drunk and ranting about what a horrible person I was. I just kept turning it over and after about a year I was over it entirely. It has been 14 years now and they are still married. I can honestly say I am happy for them both and wish them nothing but the best life can offer. With a pure heart. Remember one step at a time one day at a time one clear thought at a time. Every time they come into your head just say God please take this away and replace it with a healthy thought. Visualize yourself in the future happy and with someone who deserves you! Obviously he took you for granted and really doesn't deserve you and one day he will realize the error of his way only it will be too late because you will have moved on and have no interest anymore. All the best.
startingover1865
I am not a religious person. I pray for myself and my children- for the strength to get past all of this pain, but there is no way I am aready to pray for them. In fact, my stbx used to hate two-faced people, but his gf goes to Mass and does the rosary- all this while being an adulterer, etc. and he is fine with it. I guess he has to tell himself how good she is. One of my daughters found the funniest song on You Tube. "Pray for You" by Jaron Lowenstein. I don't know if one can put a link up on this site, so look for it!
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