Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

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Can you answer my question?

Raeoflight
Raeoflight

I was married for over 3 decades to an alcoholic before i left. He replaced me within 2 mos and is still w her. It was very very difficult for me. I lost weight, played the pick me dance, cyberstalked the new woman. He was encouraging at this time as well. He talked poorly about the woman and even came to see me a couple of times-i moved 4 hours away after i left. This went on for about 7 months and then he ghosted me. I was a horrible mess-still cyberstalked but went no contact. After about a month i quit checking her and him out on fb. 


Its been a year since ive spoken to him. Going no contact was the best thing i ever did for myself. I dont obsess over him or her, i have hobbies, am generally happy, etc.. i see what an a hole he is. I dont miss him or want him back but i think of him several times a day. Its a quick fleeting thought and its not about getting him back. I feel normal and healthy. Im wondering if any of you have thoghts about your ex daily. I didnt even remember the divorce date or anniversary until they had passed. I dont believe im grieving the marriage either.


I would appreciate anyone sharing their experience with this.


Thank you

Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
Hugs my friend. You must have left the marriage emotionally long before you left physically. I did not do that and I went through hell and back. Going the no contact route is the best thing. But one thing I do now and I have been doing it since day one, Smile, that nice slow smile of a king cobra, turn around and walk away if you ever see him. As for thinking about him, it is normal, but as time goes on, he will really become a byline in our book of life.
11Christmases
11Christmases
I think it's normal to think of someone you lived with for such a large portion of your life.

I was also married to an alcoholic, who also replaced me within months of me throwing him out. We still have kids who go back and forth, so I do have fleeting thoughts daily. Gone are the thoughts of "did he change for her", or "when are they going to get divorced". I sort of processed it and analyzed it to death the first year or so, and now I don't care that my internal questions of "why" will never be answered.

What surprised me is how I feel when I date other men now. Going out on dates triggers forgotten memories of the early days with my ex, nearly 30 years ago. It actually helps me to remember the good times. It helps me forgive myself for marrying him and putting up with so much B.S.
trisha9054
trisha9054
It's been just over ten years since the divorce. I'm just now having those moments where just for a second he pops into my mind. I feel some sadness that he is that sick man who will always cheat and will never be faithful. He's someone else's problem now and none of this was her fault. It was all him and I hope she gets what she wanted for herself.

I'm happy and stay busy doing what I love. I'm sure those moments will fade away. I no longer worry about "him again" trying to contact me. That will never happen. Our daughter seems okay but sometimes I see a sadness in her eyes when she brings the children to visit. My daughter says the little girl sometimes asks about that man she met one Thanksgiving and is he her grandfather. I'm surprised she remembers him because she was only two at the time.
jojored
jojored
Well, I'm forced to think about my ex, because he's months behind on support payments, and has not taken care of post-divorce issues. I literally have to physically track him down (he lives two hours away, round-trip) to sign paperwork that HE should have gotten himself, signed, and given to me. He's incapable of signing documents and scanning/emailing them to me, so I have to get in my car to drive. I'm desperately hoping for things to settle down within the next month or two, but he will always try to screw with me.

I had such a great few months post-divorce, where I didn't think about him for days. Then assets had to be sold and other issues cropped up concerning him. I hate that part, hoping it ends soon.
Paperjunkie
Paperjunkie
Thank you for sharing this. My separation is only 3 months old, but I am going the ‘no contact’ route as much as possible. It’s very comforting to know that it’s the best way to minimize the pain and hopefully abbreviate the grieving process. Once our separation agreement is signed, I will have no reason to contact him at all. Working on filling up my life and time with things I love
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