How long ago was the actual divorce? I go by
Divorce date not separation date. She was your
rebound Relationship and often they are worse
than the Divorce itself. Double whammy of loss
of self Esteem and everything that goes with it.

Many that marry their Rebound find out they made
another huge mistake and now are stuck with the
Wrong someone and often new children.

I did read some of your old posts, i am very thankful
My ex did not and has not made any offers of reconciliation
If he ever did it would be To get his money back.

I loved divorce care to help with a lot of the divorce
And grieving issues and therapy. I also attend alanon

I am far from healed and i am no contact 18 months
Post divorce And happy for it. Its helped me heal some
Of my wounds and detach. Which i finally am as of this
January. We were married for 30 years so not easy to
Detach at least for me. HUGS

Years ago I had a girlfriend do the same thing to me at a smaller scale. Often times our nostalgic memory tends to remember the good times more than the bad and we want to return to that familiar comfortable zone of happiness but it's actually a lie that we tell ourselves because there's always a reason the relationship failed to begin with. We were together for several years and then she broke up with me for a summer and out of nowhere calls me back up in the fall and I came running back to her and I contacted a sexual disease from it. thank God it was curable. There are so many diseases out there that are either incurable viruses or antibiotic-resistant nasty things that linger for a long time. But it was the exact same problem kept rearing its ugly head and that was she couldn't keep her legs closed even when we weren't together. I am shall I say an abnormally Amorous person and I would say without hyperbole she was probably a nymphomaniac and that is why we got along so well. But ultimately it was infidelity that did us in twice and it was my fault for coming back to her to begin with. We have to ask ourselves why would we go back to someone who has rejected us and showing us distain disrespect and dishonor? I would be so bold as to say it has to do with deep-seated self-esteem issues that we do not feel we are good enough or perhaps we are desperate for love that we will settle with what is unacceptable and again that means the problem is us. Once you have established self-awareness of a value system if your partner just not sure that same value system the relationship is doomed to failure, it is nothing but arrogance that we can hold things together our selves because relationships have to be reciprocal and if there is any amount of unevenness eventually you're going to catch your own tail and everything will end. The only way to break the cycle is to raise your own standards and I'm not even talking physical I'm talking intellectual and emotional. I'm making myself pretty vulnerable by revealing some of these personal details but it is what it is. I will say also that her realization that she didn't deserve you is dead on balls accurate. The difference is her low self-esteem was deserved because of her realization of how wrong shenhad treated you, but yours is entirely created by yourself and I would know from experience my friend -FG

Dr. Phil is largely a full of shit asshole who is nothing but a shill for his and his wife's products that they're marketing in hour long commericals. But every once in a while if he lets go a little nugget of wisdom that actually is true. One of them is "the best predictor for future behavior is past behavior." So even though you can't believe it happened again this literally could have been predicted, and strangers could have hedged bets on it. Some people are capable of change but most of them aren't. Some people might accuse me of being pessimistic but I am actually realistic. How rare is it that people with substance abuse don't relapse? Many of them are forced to change by the criminal justice system and even then relape and revert to Old Habits simply because it's Human Nature. Most people are rather simple beings and while many of us hold a complex emotional dynamic a lot of people simply fall into certain categories because they themselves lack emotional and intellectual depth. The simple people far out number the intelligent complicated ones and that is just a sad fact of the human race. I don't think you ever wanted to be tied down to a wishy-washy emotional weakling to begin with this all has to do with a fixation that you created in your head about who this person could be not who she actually was. There are 3.5 billion women in the world and I'm sure at least a couple of them are on your level share your value system and are going to be consistent emotional rocks will you will come home to every day and love and honor and cherish. These people are out there the odds are just too in your favor and that is something you need to take to heart and can give you hope for the future.

FamilyGuy, thank you for your comments, definitely something to think about. I guess when she said she realized what she did and was very sorry and wanted to try it again, knowing what she did wrong and will make sure to make our relationship much better, I believed her. With 3.5 billion women in the world, I really do hope to find that 1 person that I deserve. The odds, statistically seem to be in my favor, but finding her is the real challenge.

Mirandac, what do you mean she was my rebound? I was divorced for almost 10 years with my first wife when I met and married my second wife. So I do not know what you meant by she was a rebound marriage. Perhaps I am misunderstanding your comments, so please explain.

Your second wife, you divorced then you got back
Together after your divorce. I asked how long in between
The actual divorce and starting up again with her?

We talk about all that at divorce care. You need to heal
Yourself first before jumping into a new (with you same)
Relationship. Was yours a true reconcillation or a rebound
Relationship with the same person. HUGS

OK, now I understand. She told me in January of 2015 that she wanted to end our relationship. She didn't move out until April, because she had to get some things in order before she can afford to get a place of her own. Those were some of the toughest 3 months of my life, living with someone who wants nothing to do with you. Divorce was filed in May and finalized in late November 2015 (California takes 6 months). We got back together in August 2016. So technically, we were divorced for 9 months, but have not been together for 16 months, if you include our separation.

I feel for you, i don't know if i would have it in me again
Especially with the same person. I haven't healed from
the first time around.

We separated july 2014, divorced may 2015. I Am still no
where near all healed, i am finally detached With no contact
that took Until January 2017. HUGS

You certainly can go through this again, but this time I would imagine it'll burn so deep it'll actually stick.

I was burned so deep it actually stuck a few years ago now. Boy, I am a different person. Not so stupid. Not so naive. One day I might meet a guy, and that would be nice. But there are certain characteristics in certain men now that just make me run for the hills, and I used to find them attractive before the Great Disabusement.

I think I will have to agree with the others here. (although it is a little like telling you to shut the barn door after the horses are gone).

Getting back together with your ex is just an opportunity for you both to fall into the same relationship pattern as you had before. It's really hard to change things for the better when you keep everything else the same. Far better to take a risk with someone new than make the same mistake over again.

You should really cut this person out of your life.

@ Family Guy, "the best predictor for future behavior is past behavior" my sister gave me that quote when I was contemplating divorcing my first husband (he was and still is a narcissist bully) and I should have remembered that "before" I married my 2nd hubby. That statement is so true and now that we all know about RED flags, we should always remember those words in future relationships!

@ Tailspin, I'm sorry for your added pain. If nothing else, at least you know you gave it everything you had AGAIN and will eventually look back with no regrets. Many of us here have wondered if we would take our exes back if given the chance, I know I would have (my 2nd ex), maybe still would regardless of the outcome. Not many of us get that chance.

You know how to heal, you know the many tricks we all use to move forward, you did it once, you will do it again. You need to think and prepare yourself for IF she asks to come back again. Will you take her back??? Only you can answer that question but remember the above quote. I found in both of my marriages that they both did follow the same pattern and I fell for it time and time again, especially in my 2nd marriage, he truly broke my heart. I've learned that they rarely change.

Good luck and take care of you. Your ex has her own struggles and living and loving around her schedule and her issues isn't fair or healthy for you. I agree, this website is a wonderful place to heal. Great responses here and I hope they will help you. Hugs!!!

Your situation sounds a lot like what mine was like before it escalated to a full-blown seperation unfortunately. My wife (soon to be ex) would get mad at me and not talk to me for weeks. I grew the balls to look at her phone once when she was in the shower which I know was wrong but it had to happen. Of course there were texts from other guys about having sex with her..And I confronted her about it and she hit me. A lot. People keep telling me that it isn't worth my time and I should let go of her..She hasn't talked to me in months. She probably will try to come back someday, but I can't man. And I don't think you should either. We have to believe that we can be better than to put ourselves into that type of situation over and over again. It's hard to put yourself first sometimes, but in some situations you have to. Be strong my friend.