Life After Divorce Support Group

This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.

1,650 Members
1,884 Posts
1 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Life After Divorce Support Group

Am I Becoming to cynical.

antaresmom
antaresmom
Just a question i asked myself on the way home.Today my girlfriend and I had gone to renaissance faire,cute faire,but was small had a good time until we had gone into the "smoking section",as I needed a cigerette badly,my girlfriend had quit 3 yrs ago but sat down with me for company,now dont get me wrong here,she is a great friend,however she will talk to any person,about anything........Myself being shy until i get 2 know someone,did not speak...........well she started talking to this man,and continued for an 1/2 hr,side note here----she is engaged and just purchased a house this month,ok well i had enough and i pretty much said its time to go,now mind you we got up to leave and then she tells this man her name,never once mind you introducing me AT ALL,the man dressed in renaissance garb no less goes over to her kneels down,and kisses her hand,yeah ok that was the breaking point for me,she sucked that up for all its worth,myself as I am a watcher had watched this man for the 1/2 hr,and when he did that to her hand(sweet tho it may be) just made me nauseated..........So my question is,being in a marriage for 18 yrs that is slowly dissolving,have I become cynical towards men who may just be true to form a good guy,but due to all the mental abuse over the years,have I dismiss the fact that there are nice guys out there..........or Am i perhaps jealous of my GF,because she can talk to anyone and make friends within the blink of an eye,and not think anything of it..........So is it my shyness or am i truly becoming cynical??? Any and all comments are appreciated.
lycesq
lycesq
Ant- I think it was really sweet. I don't suspect any hidden agenda on his part - he was being in character. Maybe the kiss was a trigger for you?

Lynne
antaresmom
antaresmom
yes lycesq you are probably right,maybe the kiss was a trigger who knows.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I understand how you feel cynical about that. I believe he was just in character. YES there is nice guys out there. After all we are nice people out there. We have to let people be who they are. Its our choice to let them into our lives or not. The more people you meet the more choices you get. After all that happened to me and doing all my homework on my growth; I feel that now I am a better judge of character. Your not jealous of your GF I would say maybe envious because you may want to be more like her. So follow her suit. She will help you overcome your shyness.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Treat your woman very well and you won't have to worry about other men at all.
energylost
energylost
Ant, I think you should admire your GF. Learn from her and use it to your advantage. Your going to need this if & when you become single again.

Your GF could open doors for you -- maybe he would have a friend or if he's looking then she could suggest you to him only if this happens in the future. It's what they call "networking"

I had a past gf that was jealous because I always met men -- I tried to include her in functions so she could have met their friends but her jealousy got the best of her and opted out -- to stay home. I would come home to tell her I met a guy and she was a snotty b%#!! and sarcastically say, "I figured you did" I was NEWLY divorced & tried to establish a new life at that time so these were all new acquaintences. I wanted her to have just as much fun as me and meet guys too. If she wasn't so jealous she could have met guys thru me. because of her jealousy she got everybody at work against me, then lost a buncha weight and grew her hair long like I had.
antaresmom
antaresmom
Thanks everyone for your replies they mean alot to me,however following in GF footsteps is not my forte,she is a great friend dont get me wrong,would do anything for me I am sure,however she is able to turn things around to where its all about her,hence the fair thing,she is engaged and just bought a house,and if you had seen her with this guy,you would have thought neither the fiancee or the house existed,so i keep her at a minimum distance,because lets be honest here,no one including me needs that much DRAMA.........maybe its wrong which it probably is ,but she has been this way since i have known her.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Yes I do believe you are becoming cynical and a bit jealous. You cannot allow a no good man taint your views.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was told once that the way a man treats his girlfriend is how he treats his mother. That came from a former GF. I took that with respect. I also beleive in treat your woman well and you won't have to worry about her.
energylost
energylost
Kasual, this is intersting comeing from a male, you're so right, a lot of truth to that.

My brother had and has no respect for me or my Mom so he disrespected and would hit his GF's so yeah there is A LOT of truth to that.

My ex had no respect for his mom and it seemed like his family annoyed him and this is exactly how he treated me. He only spoke to his mom to correct her on something she had said to another person but didn't converse with her -- he treated me exactly the same way!

He had a lot of respect for his Dad and they had a good relationship but I didn't get that from him so I became his 3rd divorce, victim #3. I filed and left while he was at work!