Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
As I had said in my journal, the ex tells me I can come back home any time I want. I thought about this and decided that I would go back and fix up the house so that we could sell it, maybe about a six month process. My original plan was to move from this studio to a one bedroom apartment. I went to work feeling kind of excited about the decision to move back in to the house but then during the day I started doubting myself. What was I doing? What was I hoping to accomplish? Was it just to fix up the house because I was sacrificing an awful lot of myself in order to do just that. At the end of the day I was thinking... Is it wrong to want someone that makes your life better? Someone that makes a difference in your life? He says he loves me and that I matter but he doesn't make me "FEEL" that. I don't feel it from him. He withholds emotion and warmth. He doesn't know how to console me. Maybe I'm crazy but shouldn't these things matter. There I go again, thinking something is wrong with me. At any rate, by the time I went to bed I was petrified that I had made a commitment about moving back that I would regret. On the other hand I am so tired of this daily grind, this limbo, this financial drag, this isolation. And I just feel paralyzed. Any way, I have decided to go ahead and put in my application for the one bedroom apartment. If I get approved I will turn in my notice here and at least I will be making some kind of change. Maybe that will give me something positive to think about.
I stayed in an emotionally bankrupt marriage for waaay too long -- I suppose it was my ingrained notion that "one day, he will change" -- but that never happened.
Becoming single again at age 54 wasn't exactly MY idea of a good time, but everything worked out in the end and I can honestly say that the most recent 5 years of my life (since the divorce was final) have been 1,000 times BETTER than that old life ever was -- even on its best day!
But whether you are talking yourself into thinking this is a bad thing, or you were talking yourself into thinking it was a good thing is beyond me.
My opinion is that spending time with an EX is typically a bad idea, especially during the healing time. You are likely doubting yourself and feeling the loneliness. I would give it some time and think about it.
Best of luck!
I fail to see the relevance of the analogy of "intellect" and "heart" -- but I CAN understand the difference between "fulfilling" and "more trouble than it's worth."
We ALL deserve to be loved, but I will tell you the biggest most important lesson I learned in my journey through divorce: Until we learn to LOVE OURSELVES -- all by ourselves -- we cannot expect anyone to love us the way in which we deserve!
Please seek professional help!