Life After Divorce Support Group
This community is dedicated to starting over after a divorce. With the marriage over, how do individuals begin a new chapter in their lives and what hurdles do they face? Divorce is often one of the most traumatic periods in a person's life. Studies show it is the second-most stressful event in life, after the death of a spouse.
I know there is a big to do over falling in love and being swept of your feet... but what about falling with your feet planted solidly on the ground? I met a wonderful mah who treats me very well, likes my children alot, and provides lots of postive reinforcement for all of us. We are taking things day by day and we spend lots of time together. I feel so stable and grounded with him in my life. It seems in the past I got caught up in the whirlwind romance and the fierce physical attraction and then ended up getting hurt when the snags and impossiblities started showing their ugly heads. But this time it feels so different. I asked him what he was looking for in a relationship and he said "forever sounds good to me..." I have three kids with my ex-husband, all of them bear the scars from our past, all three have adhd, anxiety, and sleep problems. Along with all that there are some behaviorial issues that we have been working on for what seems like forever. He's seen them at their worst and offers nothing but postive support and advice. A few days ago I commented that I was suprised that he hadn't bolted for the door after seeing them acting as bad as they were... he said, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm in it for the long run. There's nothing wrong with those kids that a little time, love, and patience can't fix!" So I'm thinking "wow, a man that likes me just the way that I am and has accepted my kids with open arms... I must be dreaming!" So here I am falling with my feet on solid ground... sounds sort of impossible... but not...
Either vow to become the woman who truly deserves such a good man and develop your kids into kids who deserve a really good father figure or you will use him up and run him down to nothing.
A man needs a very, very good woman who has her act together. Please really get your act together as quickly as possible so that your man will not be carrying more weight than he should.
Look at men in their fifties. Many have severe health problems because they had weak women that they had to carry for a very long time. Don't be a weak woman. I am not saying that you are but it sounds like your kids are not well disciplined. If you love your man, take very good care of him, keep a nice home, spend money wisely, be a strong parent to your children, and take very good care of yourself. This is your chance to have a really good man. And, this is your chance to develop into the wife and mother and total woman that you were born to become.
Congratuations!
As for the kids, I'm learning how to love and discipline them, and rebilding their trust in themselves and others. Its difficult to reprogram kids who have known nothing but negative attention and chaos as a way of life. They are comming around though... I've learned that a quiet loving request gets the most response, and when necessary using rewards or taking privileges gets most points across. They test me, and I guess that is when things get the craziest, because the old me wants to yell and spank... so it becomes the battle of the wills within myself and them. He sits back and observes things and offers positive input and a fresh look at situations. He doesn't stick his nose into the situation when I'm dealing with the kids and if they try to get him involved he tells them flat out, you have to listen to your momma. They respond in amazing ways once they realize I won't change my mind or let them wear me down. Every day growning and learning and loving together is a good day...
It just takes the right person!
when you find the right person the relationship can go a long way in helping you and your children heal--- my friends husband took her and her two boys and turnned their lives around and helped them heal --and they are all having great lives becasue dave came into their life
and it is hard to come from a worse relationship than my friend did-the damage done to her and the boys was horrible the youngest at 11 tried suicide-he is now a healthy grown man with kids of his own
Only you know the guy , yourself and your kids-take it slow and listen to and love each other
good luck at finding a good guy there are not to many out there and please let yourself be happy.