That was my thought too as you were describing the pattern. It's ok and I'm glad that you figured it out. It may take time for him to figure it out though...maybe he never will, but at least you aren't allowing his behavior to ruin your world anymore. It's a huge accomplishment on your part, to see it and take action. Be proud of yourself.

My ex can be very manipulative also. I look back now and realize how manipulative he was in the beginning of our relationship when he was wooing me into being with him. I don't think they do it on purpose. Yes, you are right. They are very sick and need to seek counseling. I recently went through a whole reconciliation phase. He was sweet and charming but as soon as i started to say i thought we needed to go to counseling to work on us, he started to back peddle. I am done with the rollercoaster and moving on to something new.

Do not spend time with this man...He drags you down. Stay separated,

that sounds less like passive aggressive and more like an abusive personality. Not to nitpick.

My EX did that the entire relationship. She seemed to have a sense of how much I was willing to take and would then flip over and be sickly sweet.

It's really about control and keeping you off balance. If you are confused and uncertain, you are easier to control. And I think, in their mind, it makes up for whatever they did.

Passive aggressive behavior is more along the lines of constantly making you wait, getting you the wrong gift for your bday even you were specific and generally doing little nasty things that can easily be hidden as "innocent mistakes"

Also, constantly making nasty jokes at your expense, even though you knows it bothers you... then says

"You are too sensitive, I was just joking!"

Regardless, I am sorry you are going through it.

Wow, your situation sounds alot like mine. He can be the kindest human being, then completely switch within seconds to an arrogant jerk. He has a past of domestic abuse with my son and I, and just recently I have decided this time we arent going to go back. My son is happier with out him, and so am I. It is the night times that get me. I miss his company and sometimes wonder if I should give him a final chance, but know I can not do this as he's had a chance before. My divorce is filed and am hoping it goes as smoothly as possible. I think it's hard for those of us who have husbands like this because we remember the good times, and sometimes it seems as if we can just try harder to get through the bad times.

I agree with that. It is especially difficult when you are feeling lonely or nostalgic. For me it is a real slippery slope. I am dating someone else now but still have feelings for my ex and at times really wish I could be back with my husband and put our family back together. Recently, when I feel this way I remind myself what it was like when my 18 year old daughter wouldn't come out of her room to interact with him because she hated him so much. I am reminded of his mood swings and annoying habits and complete selfishness around feelings of others. Then I am once again contented with my current situation.