I've been with him almost 2yrs and I'm finally leaving. I've been moving a load of my things every morning to storage then work, home, and repeat. I'm exhausted. He goes back and forth between being okay with me going and saying we can be friends and he understands to dragging me through the mud verbally and throwing things. I'm just having a hard time processing what's happened and what's happening now.

Is this what they mean when they say sometimes you have to "Deprogram" yourself? I'm sitting in a gas station parking lot at night because I ran out of a one sided screaming match and I can finally see the absurdity of it. Why have I jumped through all these stupid hoops for peace with this guy?

I'm sorry I don't have anyone to talk to, I don't have any friends here and my family is gone. I just feel lost and I'm trying to start over but I keep thinking I'm making to big a deal of it. He makes me feel like I'm being sensitive and naive but I'm sticking to my guns but I just feel all over the place and confused and tired.