I am sure mum cares but doesn't visit out of fear that she wasn't a good mom and didn't protect you from the abuse. I think she is hurting very much inside. Maybe let her know how much she means to you and that you want her to visit and stop making excuses. Perhaps tell her that you still love her very much and that there was nothing she could have done to prevent the abuse if that's what happened or tell her you forgive her if she had a hand in it like with denial for instance.

There is a bond between mother and daughter and it takes alot to break that bond but I think it needs to be nurtured from time to time with kind words of love and appreciation. As I have mentioned before, communication is key and alot of times, it's not what you say but how you say it that counts. Hugs

Hope this helps.

Hey bob how are you? Ive told her everything u said I told her I don't blame her and I still love her AMD need her around more because of my depression and forgive her and etc I just don't know what's rong with her cos she promises then doesn't turn up. Like last week she said she would call see me on wed for a few hours I never asked her to it was off her own bk and she never came, I completely forgot it was my boyfriend who reminded me thurs night the she did not come, and I haven't heard anything from her. Thanx for advise bob x

perhaps next time she tells you she'll come visit on a Wednesday - you could phone her Tuesday night and casually mention without stressing it how much you're looking forwards to seeing her tomorrow? Perhaps a gentle brief reminder might make a difference?

this must be a very hurtful situation for you?
:- (

I was just going to say the same thing that K2h just said. When people get older they get forgetful. Maybe she just forgot. Maybe pay her a visit first to break the ice. I wish I knew ur mom and you well enough to give you better advice but it sounds like there may be some underlying reasons. Out of respect for that loved one, people usually don't make promises they don't keep.

Maybe she has a touch of dementia or something.

Not doing too good Paula but it will all work out. hugs!

thanx guys theres nothing rong with her memory and i dont got there cos i dont talk to others and its always been one sisded me visiting her. she remembers to go see my sister all the time but never me

Maybe just stay away for awhile and see if she calls or comes over. They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder"!

It's not fair of her to give preferential treatment to one daughter and neglect the other. I would just hit the ignore button with her and see how that makes her feel.

Try to focus on urself. As much as you would like to have mum in your life, you don't need her. You have all the tools to be happy sitting on your shoulders :)

God Bless!

DEAR PAULA, YOU INVITED ME HERE, I HOPE YOU DON'T REGRET IT, I SPEAK MY MIND AND KEEP NOTHING, I AM CHRONICALLY ILL BECAUSE I DII, BOTTLED ALL THE BAD THINGS UNTIL I EXPLODED...LOOK I READ WHAT YOU SAY, I WAS LIKE YOU , LOVED MY MUM, I WAS LIKE A BEGGAR, BUT MY MUM NEVER LOVED ME LIKE THE OTHERS ,NOW I KNOW WHY, I WAS A LONELY CHILD, WHEN I WAS CONCEIVED MY FATHER STARTED HIS AFFAIR WHICH LASTED A LIFETIME , SO I REMINDED HER THIS, I WISH I KNEW I WOULD HAVE MOVED AS FAR AS POSSIBLE, AND SEE HER AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE, I GUESS SHE TRIED TO LOVE ME BUT THIS FACT WAS THERE ALL THE TIME, IN THE END MY SISTER TOLD HER LIES ABOUT ME AND SHE BELIEVED THEM, SHE WAS NEVER HAPPY AT WHAT I DID AND MADE ME FEEL GUILTY JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING, SHE WAS A CONFUSED WOMAN, I WAS TAKEN ADVANTEGE OF ALL FAMILY MEMBERS, WHEN I KNEW THE TRUTH I WAS CURED OF ALL THE DEPRESSION AND SADNESS, I EVEN REMOVED HER PHOTO, SAID GOODBYE TO HER AND MY LIFE IS GOOD.. I DON'T THINK THAT YOUR MUM WANTS TO SEE YOU, YOU REMIND HER OF WHAT HAPPEND, IS HSE STILL WITH THAT MAN, AND THE FACT THAT SHE DIDN'T KNOW, I DON'T BELIEVE IT..LOOK YOU HAVE SOMEONE THAT LOVES YOU, CUT YOUR LOSSES, MOVE ON, GET A LIFE FOR YOURSELF, LIVING IN THE PAST IS ONLY GOING TO HURT YOU, IF SHE CARES THEN SHE WOULD KEEP HER TIME WITH YOU, CALL YOU, MY MUM ,I HAD TO CALL, I COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD FOR THE TIMES MY FAMILY CALLED, I WASTED MY LIFE, ON UNLOVING AND UNCARING PEOPLE, AND I DESERVE BETTER. PUT IT ALL BEHIND, FIND SOMEONE TO SUPPORT YOU, SOMEONE YOU CAN TALK, BE A MENTOR AND FRIEND, I AM HERE IF YOU NEED ME, DON'T WASTE ANYMORE TIME, ENJOY YOUR LIFE, YOU CANNOT MAKE ANYBODY LOVE YOU, I AM SORRY SWEETY, IT IS PAINFUL BUT BETTER TO SUFFER NOW , YOU HAVE TIME, I AM TOO OLD NOW, DO SOMETHING FOR YOURSELF, GO BACK TO COLLEGE, FIND A PART TIME JOB, SOMETHING THAT GIVES YOU SELF- ESTIME..LOVE YOU LUCY..

I MEANT I SAID GOODBYE TO HER PHOTO, SHE DIED SEVERAL YEARS AGO, THATS ANOTHER PAINFUL STORY, LOVE LUCY..

hey bob thats what im doing know see how she likes it. ive recently found out off a friend that my sisters children was off school and she had them stay for a few days. i phoned mum up saturday to see if she was ok and she never mentioned wed so i dint either. hope u ok x

hi lucy im sorry your mum died and that you had issues with her and family. ive cut all ties with my family as its too painfull i only stay in touch with mum know. for what good that is, im just gonna not phone or anything know see how long it takes for her to get in touch. about mum not knowing my boyfriend thinks the same he thinks she knew has it went on for so long in a house with 6 children n mum. take care x

i'm sorry paula
i didn't really make myself clear. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with your mum's memory. I'm sorry if i offend here but i simply think she is not a terribly nice person.


The reason i suggested ringing her the night before and (appear to) give her a gentle reminder was to give her the opportunity to treat you with consideration and either commit to visiting you the next day (and do so)
OR
let you know then that she wouldn't be making so that you don't waste a day waiting in growing disappointment. You're entitled to a gentle life and a future you can look forwards to with happiness, not be caught in a recurring present full of unresolvable hurts. It must be so difficult for you to move on when your mum treats you like this.

JOYHOLY is lucky in a sense, her mum is dead and she appears to have grieved for her loss and moved on. You seem stuck, unable to grieve, unable to move on. Personally, i think her advice is good - but i also realise how hard it might be for you to follow it. I hope you resolve this one way or t'other soon - you deserve a future that is vastly different to your present

My mom told me: "stay away from her" when I told her my first cousin, a 'female,' was abusing me - sexually and many other ways.
I went through my youth staying away! Years later, when I married my daughter's father, I forgave her. He helped me do that and even though we divorced many years, I thank him for that.
I moved my mother and a goofy older brother into our upstairs apt.; we call those kinds of apartments "in-law apts."!
She was great with me daughter. She later developed Alzheimer's Disease and I took a year off to help her. She never knew me. She never acknoledged me except to say I was nice to her.
It all happens and then it ends. That's all I can say about it. I can't change what happened, but my heart healed from my mother's "DISTANCE" of emotions from me, when I forgave her.
I hope this helps you. Take care.

Hi k2sharpe and franciann ive been getting on alot better with my mum she as just been to stay for a week because i needed her, i told her aboutthis site because i think she needs support after what happened. She says she might join so i told her ithelps me x hope everyone is ok take care love n hugs x

i'm glad i was wrong about your mum paulad
i'm especially glad the two of you are spending time together, and you're getting the relationship with her you yearned for
:- )

Thanx k2hsharpe :) x