People keep telling me to smile and to acknowledge my accomplishment. Since starting my recovery at the age of 16 I have graduated from high school, done an undergraduate course in teaching, a masters in education and am about to complete a graduate diploma in counselling. I did teach elementary school for 8 years which was absolutely fantastic on the whole. However for all these accomplishments I feel like for every step I take forward I take 3 steps backward. I have been in and out of therapy for the last 21 years. I have addictions to sex, gambling, eating, self harm, co dependency. I have a major mental illness known as dissociative identity disorder formerly known as multiple personality disorder and because I have different alter personalities these personalities also have different mental illnesses including boarderline and schizo affective disorder. So I really dont agree when people say you will get over the abuse but like this group is all about its simply what life is about after the abuse. I have achieved a lot since the major abuse stopped at the age of 11 after 9 years (bully didnt stop until I was 18 but there is still so much pain in my life.
pauladawson
Hi there it will take many years for you to feel normal or better but that feeling of the abuse will never leave us. That's why I set this group up as we can never get over it , it's like you said we just have to live life after abuse. You have achieved a lot and been through a lot too, only people who have been abused now how you are feeling. We just need to stick tougher and help each other. I'm here if you want to message me, or post on here.
deleted_user
You have indeed achieved a lot and have gone through much. That makes what you achieved be a lot more for you than for somebody who's life was a bed of roses. Congratulate yourself. There is a mentality that exists stating we ought not live in the past. Where abuse, especially extreme abuse is concerned that is not a valid mentality. Also in my case I find it good to look back at where I was in the eighties and compare it to where I am now to realise I actually achieved a lot. I don't recognise the ME of the eighties as being the ME of today There is no way to compare the two. That helps me feel better. I too have spent so much time in 12 Step Groups since 1993 seeing a councelor a few times and now a social worker at the community health and social services clinic. I am reminded as I write this that I got to call them tomorrow to see if I can become a higher priority, otherwise it is 3 and a half months to wait. At least now I'm dealing with the roots now that I know what they are as oppossed to only the symptoms. One day at a time is the best advice I can offer. There will be good and bad days and at a given point the bad days will become lesser and lesser. Just be kind to yourself for now and don't worry about the "3 steps back".
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