Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

1,668 Members
2,158 Posts
0 Online
Addiction & Recovery
/ Liars Anonymous Support Group

What to say to those you've deceived

EPMike
EPMike

Just finding the group.  I'm at a point in my relationship with my girlfriend where lies, huge, big and small ones have done damage to the relationship and it is on the brink.  She loves me dearly and says I'm the man of her dreams but I can tell there is damage done.  I know the first step is to stop lying, which I've done.  I've also done personal work (therapy, reading, practicing honesty, etc).  I think I know the answer to this but I'll ask anyway.  Is there anything that can be said in the short term to create more intimacy (not physical, emotional) while I rebuild trust?  Any way to try to give her hope before my behavior shows it?  I know the proof is in the pudding, and I've damaged the value of my own words.  I'm just wondering if anyone has ideas on how to convey that I am truly optimistic about my recovery from lying to give her hope.


VunerableOne
VunerableOne
I am in the same boat you are and I understand the struggle. The words I say have no value. The lies I told were said with such sincerity that it is impossible for my family to know what is truth and what isn’t anymore.

I know going forward I have to prove myself daily. My family wants to know that I earnestly want to fight to keep my relationship with them.

I don’t have a magic bullet and I worry if anything I do will be perceived as honest anymore. I know I have to change me and pray that the changes are noticeable and impactful to those who no longer believe in me. There is nothing I can do to change them, I can only change me and hope that I am doing enough.
gwilly
gwilly
It really truly is a mess that we have created for ourselves. Adjust in short I think what you need to say it depends on who you're saying it too. The closer the person the more needs to go into it. But starting out with sincere humble apologies for the damage that you've done would be a good start. For your significant other, wife, husband, I think added to that would be an explanation of what you have figured out you can do to correct your mistakes eliminate those bad habits so that they can see that you put some thought into it. And then I think after that touching bases with him on a regular basis, and explaining how things are going and what other pieces of your plan you may have added to help correct things would be good. So basically I guess the continue communication of what you're doing to solve the problems is the key.
BBT
BBT
Yeah man, i wish there was also a magic “reset to factory settings” option. There is not however. Just show your partner, and yourself, in your actions every day.
VunerableOne
VunerableOne
Magic reset button....I WANT ONE!!! I have made it a point to be honest on a daily basis - and in most cases hourly. In today's society, our ability to tell the truth can be handled on a moment by moment basis. I post or read here when I feel the urge to lie. I give the truth to my family even before the feelings of lying have a chance to emerge.

Overcoming lying to me is a moment by moment opportunity. My days are filled with lots of victories and that is encouraging to me.
idontwantto
idontwantto
There is not anything you can say. Its all about showing and doing. This is my first time on here and its encouraging to hear successes, encouragement, and to know I’m not out here alone. My wife always says, “Actions speak louder than words”. My apologies and promises are empty to her because I’ve continued to lie to her and let her down when I’ve promised I would change. So you can’t say anything....just DO IT!