Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
I found this website through an online search and I'm hoping I can find advice and guidance. I am a compulsive liar. I have been living a series of complex lies for nearly six years. The lies have finally came to a complete head and the aftermath of lives I hurt from telling and living the lies makes me sick to my stomach. Complete destruction only way I know how to describe it. 7 years ago this spring my wife and I had a child, he had major complications. I am blessed he is completely healthy now. His first year was a roller coaster of unimaginative stress. However, his mother and I had already had major problems prior to his birth and the marriage was essentially over. 6 years ago I meant a woman at work. She was a breath of fresh air and I wanted to be with her. We began seeing each other. In the beginning I was completely honest with her. She was aware of my marriage. I told her I wanted a divorce. And I did, I filed papers. She was aware I did that, but then I began to lie and lie about everything and to anyone. The papers I filed just lapsed and I didn't tell her. I wanted my cake and eat it too. I didn't want a relationship with my child's mother but I was scared if I got a divorce and my child was so young I wouldn't be able to be in his life very much and the devastated me. The woman I was seeing and wanted to be with lived 70 miles away. I lead her to believe that I had moved out of my house and my child and I had moved into my parents house. I fabricated documents to lead her to believe I was getting a divorce. I also fabricated documents trying to show her I was divorced and I wasn't. I am legally divorced now. For 6 months now. I had her to believe I had been for over a year, even planned to get married. Along the way I got caught in lies, not the whole lie just pieces and at one point went to counseling with her. I wasn't dedicated to it, just trying to figure out how to keep it going. The entire time I lived two lives and I lied to my family and friends and at times to my son. I lied to the woman I loved, and I realized that what I was doing was wrong. I lied for selfish reasons, to be in control and to control and manipulate people, I isolated myself as much as I could to prevent the truth coming out. In the beginning I lied and told myself and convinced myself that it was for the greater good, which is sick but I thought if I got to the point where I could get divorced and have joint custody and be with woman I wanted to be with then it would all work out. Which looking back I can see that was all about my needs and no regard to anyone else. But along the way, I found myself lying to just lie at times. To control a situation...to see if I could just get away with it and it snowballed. I finally got legally divorced, joint (equal time) custody of child and the woman I wanted to live with was still with me through it all....then the guilt sat in....I got to where I originally wanted to be years ago but at what cost?? How could I ever have a life that's foundation was laid in a lie. My mind was constantly racing smothering in guilt. I began to lie again over stuff I didn't have too....it took my mind off the guilt...each time the stakes would increase...I even began talking to another woman and got caught. Which is where I am now. I am totally ashamed of myself. I need to get control of my issues and learn to live without lying. I don't want my child growing up seeing me like this as an example. I need and want to be a person that can b depended on and work to correct my character. I have began going to counseling, reading about certain addictions and disorders, and praying. The woman I have hurt the most is even still in my life and to that Iam greatly thankful but even makes me even more ashamed that she has thought that much of me and I did what I did. I know correcting and learning to control this will not be easy but I am determined to work at it, I want to change for myself. Any guidance I could receive from this group would greatly be appreciated.
I lied to hide the fact that we are broke. We had money and a great business but when the crash came it was deadly. My hubby sold large machineselection for lots of money but spent like crazy. I kept telling him to stop. He became agitated when a money leash was put on so I just quit hounding. I led that bills were paid and taxes done. Because it would start a fight and I am a whim and can not be yelled at. So after about five years it finally came to a head. I think I let it because I was so tired of the lying. It had taken a toll on my life. I have high blood pressure, anxiety attacks and general gut wrenching horible feeling daily.
I looking in retrospect lie when I am under stress. I cannot handle people mad at me, yelling or anything of that nature. I grew up in a house with an abusive alcoholic father who killed any self esteem or ego. He verbally berated me, told me I was fat and ugly everyday. His term of endearment for my sister and myself was the big basted and the little bastard. Seriously, and my mom would say , Lawrence you can't say that but she never left him for it. She isaid the one that taught me to lie. To avoid confrontation or getting a spanking we were told to lie and tell him anything to make him happy and we could come out of our bedroom when he fell asleep.
So nowe I had to tell my hubby everything. Last Friday he called me out as a liar and that is when I realized that I have a problem. I read and found much about it, but not much for therapy. I hope this site will help. I promised him I would not lie to him again. I said I might for a bit but would correct it in a few minutes when I collected my thoughts if I absolutely had to lie. I have held true and told him everything he asks. May not at first but in a few minutes. This will probably be the end of my marriage, since he said we are split. I moved upstairs in my daughters room so I could get paperwork done. I have no where to go, no friends or family. I have one sister and we have been astrange for years. I messaged her I was depressed and needed to talk to someone , she wrote back I get off of work at 11 pm can if you want. I have always been the person who works 80 hrs a week , so no time for friends. I might have some kind of anti social disorder. I just have a hard time anymore with trusting friends , I have been hurt with friends bad so I just stay away.
Well tonight I have to get paperwork together for an attorney to file bankruptcy. Hopefully we can save our home. The good news is hubby is back to work. So money is coming in for him now. I we do split I will give him everything and just start over.
I know lifeel would be easier to just drink the kool-aid and die, but I hope this says something to him about my character thato I will let him abuse me verbally if it helps him but I will work to get through thia financial kaos.