Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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tiki73 12/26/2016

Hello, my name is Matt and I am a compulsive liar. Today is 12/26/16, and I have tried to post a couple times the last couple of days, but everytime, I hit the post button, I get told that an error has occured, and I lose everything that I just typed up. But - no matter, we will try again.

I did get to spend some time with my family yesterday. It was wonderful being able to spend some time with my children, and my wife - although we didn't really talk all that much. We have talked some more about why I have done what I have done what I have done. She is still doing a wonderful job of not judging me, and we are really trying to get everything all out and in the open. We have covered alot of stuff. Some of which I thought that I would keep buried forever. As much as I hate talking about it with her, I know that she needs the answers. And it does feel better getting it off my chest.

I know that she needs the truth, and while it hurts to hear the answers to the questions she is asking. She keeps telling me that it hurts more if I continue to lie about it. I know that I am not giving her all the information. I'm not sure that I even know all the information as most of what we are talking about is all stuff that I have lied to myself so that I believe the answers that I have told before. I want to be able to give my wife all the information and not hold anything back from her.

She want me to be able to come forward with stuff on my own, and voluntarily offer the information - instead of my wife having to play detective and ask the right questions. I am trying to sift thought the last 18 years of our lives together - but that is a lot if stuff to try and digest. I know that I have not lied to my wife the entire time that we have been together.

Right now we are at a sticking point regarding what we have been discussing. She has a feeling that I am withholding something, and still lying about something. The problem is - I am telling the truth regarding the topic we talked about. She thinks that I don't want to talk to her, but I don't just want to sit on the phone and not say anything new. I want to be able to let her know that I am telling the truth, and have her belive me. But my words carry no weight with her what so ever.

I know that I need help to re-wire my brain so that lying isn't what comes naturally. If anyone knows any tricks that helps differentiate lies from truth, any help would be greatly helpful.

My name is Matt, and I am a compulsive liar, and I don't want to me anymore.

mikeyrg 12/27/2016

Matt, I found when I was going to tell a lie there was a voice in my heart (lies come from the brain) that told me I was going to lie! Learn to listen to that higher voice! It will guide you!! Stay the course! Remember it will take a long time before you are believed again. Accept it. It is our penitence! But if you are doing the work ever day it will be recognized because you grow and change. Hang on to that knowledge. Keep moving forward! Stay open and honest. There is a saying in AA (I am a liar but not an alcoholic but love this:) about living by the HOUR! Honesty, openness, unconditional love and respect! When I started on this journey I swear I lived by the minute!! Ha ha. I now try every day to live by the hour! Stay authentic no matter what the consequences! Know 2017 will bring great things into your life and you will find yourself in a place of inner peace and contentment you have not previously felt! We can all sense your sincerity and daily efforts!! So will your family!!!

tiki73 12/27/2016

Thank you for that. It means a lot.

Ryliegirl 12/30/2016

Wow Mikey RG that was a beautiful post! So many elements I've never heard before. Are you kind of the leader here? it's my first day, and I'm trying to see how things work. Do many people post daily? If they do, do people usually respond? That would really be like 12-step--the camaraderie is so strengthening. Are there ever nights where, at a certain time, we all log on and chatter? Might not work. I'm just a question asker. I promise I won't end up bugging you, just because I did it here. LOL. thank you for that big contribution to the site and to my whole life! Ry

Ryliegirl 12/30/2016

tiki73--not sure what you and apparently your ex-wfie? are discussing, but I have read extensively, more than I can reveal, about telling a spouse all of the truth or not. At least half the psychologists suggest that you do NOTtell it all. It only clears YOUR conscience, but dumps all the pain on the spouse. If you are still married,it is even more dangerous because she may becollecting stories to make you look bad in court, so you get minimal child visitation and pay LOTS of child support. She will also probably tell the children what you tell her. Even good mothers do. Alienating a child from one parent by telling even true stories can cause you to get full custody and SHE will pay child support. At any rate, I hope you are looking ahead. You'reworking on stopping lying. Good job. But telling her (it's suspicious to me why she is dragging it out of you) lies and things you did in the past can be something you really regret. Sometimes confessing is right. But sometimes it only clears YOUR conscience and dumps the pain on her. Just think ahead about why she is digging to hard to get you to tell. I wouldn't tell her a darn thing more. Sounds like she is UP to sumpn! Rylie

Ryliegirl 12/30/2016

Wow! Why did my reply to Tiki appear on THIS thread? I would never reply to Tiki here about a topic on another thread. Just so you know that it's not my fault it appeared here . Sorry!

Ryliegirl 12/30/2016

Whoa! haahahah Now my reply is on the correct thread. I think it got moved by the ghost of Thread Flinstone. (OOOOOOkay, Rylie.....the nutcase group is on another page! )

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