You are very right. Our situations are extremely similar. I too find it exhausting trying to keep my false reality afloat. Not knowing what I have told the truth about, which I know wasn't much, and trying to remember and keep straight all the lies that I have told. Which were many. While it has been very hard to do, one of the best things that I can think of to do is to try and come clean with as much as possible. My wife, bless her, we have sat down and talked, and we talked for about 7 hours. She would ask questions that she needed the answer too. And I would answer. She created a judgement free environment for me to be able to talk freely about what I have done. She knew that it is extremely hard for me to be truthful as I even believe the lies that I tell to myself. It was difficult confronting my lies and deceit. It was very hard looking at her and seeing the hurt and pain that I have caused - knowing that it was because of me that she was now broken. That the first love of her life was capable of doing these things. And it does kill me everyday knowing that I was the one that caused this situation. What it has done to my wife, my kids, and myself. But, I can tell you what a relief it was, getting those weights of my chest, and finally being able to confront the lies that I have told, and the choices that I have made. It hurt a lot talking about it, but did feel better when it was out in the open.

The worst part of all this is, and you know it as I do. If we were able to just go to our wives, and tell them we were scared for this is what we have done. We wouldn't be in these situations. We would still have our wives support and have them by our sides as we sought the help that we needed. I sit here hoping that it's not too late, and that I can make this right.

So, keep you head up as well, and keep working hard, and making the right decisions this time. Maybe there is hope for both of us.

Hey guys! There is more than hope!! There is an authentic whole hearted way of life. It was said to me, and is an absolute truth, that we lie out of fear. Fear of judgement,rejection, abandonment,loss of control, not being perfect....The list is different for each of us I suppose. Remember courage is not loosing fear, it is doing the right thing despite your fear. It's strange how I didn't realize the frequency of my lies when I came to confront my lying. It's strange how it takes crisis in our life to really provide that quantum of energy to bring about change. That hitting rock bottom where you have to make tough choices. I found that I knew when I was going to tell a lie. A voice in my head or heart would be there and yet I wouldn't listen. Now I do. It stops me. It has taken a long long time to really change. (1 year of daily work). My relationship has never been more solid. It was completely shattered at the beginning because of the loss of trust between us due to my lying. I heard this past weekend someone talking about "Radical responsibility ". She said when someone says I can't do something that they are really saying I won't do something. The work in getting this right is so worth it in the end. Know you are enough, accept yourself as who you are, know telling the truth won't kill you (ha ha) and keep at it every day!!