Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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tiki73 12/14/2016

Hello, I am new here. And I should have joined a long, long time ago. I too am a compulsive and pathological liar. Have been all my life - since I can remember. I could just copy and paste almost all your stories, and after reading them, realize that I am not alone, and there are many people out there that are just like me.

I am marrried and have been with my wife for 18 years, and have been married for 12. I have to wonderful and beautiful children, who I adore, and love more than anything else in this world - except for probably myself.

I lie to my wife, and I keep many things from her. I do try and be honest with her when it comes to the really big things, but fall back on my old habits and patterns when it comes to small stuff. Thinking that what she doesn't know - won't hurt her. Well, I have hurt her. Alot. I have hurt her with my lies, and with keeping or hiding things from her. I have not treated her in any way shape or form like a husband should treat his wife. And this last one is the one that finally broke the camels back as they say, and I was asked to leave the house. I can no longer see my kids when I want, and I am believed to be a poor role model for them, and unfortunately, my wife is absolutely right in that regards.

I have been lying so long to everyone, and to myself that I sometimes don't even know which it true anymore. I have been to therapy once, and quit as I thought that I could handle it on my own. But kept up the same patterns of behavior. I am going back to therapy again in Feb - and will not quit until I am healthy. I want to so desperately be able to fix all the stuff that I have broken, but am unsure if I can. I know that I love my wife, I love my kids, and I love my life with them....but can't seem to keep from throwing it all way.

There is so much more wrong with me - but I think that is for other support groups. But I am here in this one to ask for help.....

I can't lose my wife and kids - I am not built to be a part time dad. If anyone has any information on how to quit with the lying and hiding things, then please let me know - any help at this time would be greatly appreciated.

mikeyrg 12/15/2016

Tiki73, We have all been where you are right now. It is odd that it takes a crisis to motivate real change. I too was about to loose my relationship over lies. I have discovered several truths on my journey. First, you have to do this for yourself. Not for anyone else. This is all about personal growth. Take a second to feel the pain, anguish, hurt as it lets us know we are human and alive. Know it will not kill you. Second, understand that we lie out of fear. Fear of judgement, rejection, abandonment, not being perfect, ...., Thats where the work has to be done. My issues went back to my childhood for sure. Know that time is your friend. Rebuilding trust will take a long long long time. Remember to feel empathy towards those we lied to when they don't believe you even when you are being truthful and honest. With DAILY work and commitment you can conquer this habit. Remember lying has become muscle memory. It is hard to change. You will falter. Have the strength to immediately retract your lies and correct them when they occur. I found Brene Brown's book Daring Greatly as a helpful tool. It's not about lying but about living a whole hearted life and dealing with guilt and shame. Finally learn to love yourself for who and what you are with all your imperfections. After all they define who we really are. Once you start down this path of getting it right you won't go back. It hurts too much.

tiki73 12/15/2016

Thank you for your comments. It's amazing how much they all ring true. And I will definitely check out that book. Thanks again.

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