Hi Chrissy1399,

Its Naomi, I changed my username to Tokyod. Hopefully, someone can answer your question on finding more help. But I will be talking about your mindset.

It's good you talked to your husband about some of the lies you told and came clean on them. But, who are you really doing this for? Is it for your husband, is it for you, both?

Do not expect your husband to accept your improving ways and change of heart so quickly. Have empathy for his lack of trust, know that it takes time for people to heal from deception. If he lied to you as much as you did to him, you may feel the same way as he does.

Be honest and truthful because YOU want to do it. Don't look to your husband for his reaction or positive affirmations; look to yourself. Set your own goals that you want to accomplish, and find your happy place. Focus on what you need to do mentally. Don't do this to solely impress him or gain his trust back quickly. It's already broken, honey, that is why we are all here, myself included - admitting our problems and working on ourselves to become the happy and honest people we want to be. The trust will come when its supposed to. Actions speak louder than words.

Be honest in the little things and when you have serious discussions. Let him know you are not a perfect person, but you are trying. You got this.

I wish I felt that "I got this." He wants me to share details about things in the past, but when I'm dry and out of details to share, he doesn't believe me and he gets extremely angry. He feels I have a difficult time with communication in general. He, on the other hand, is the exact opposite. He is extremely raw blunt honest, even if he knows it will hurt someone, and he communicates very well. So he gets extremely frustrated with me when I struggle. For example, if he asks me a question, I sometimes give a vague answer or I leave out details because I'm scared he might get angry. Obviously, he has little patience for me these days and is angered easily, so I do have fear. Or, if he asks me a question about something we have already discussed, I say we already talked about this and I get extremely nervous and anxious because I fear my answer will anger him. He has already told me I have lost his trust forever and all I have to gain is his admiration for changing. So, at this point, I feel hopeless.
Thank you so much for your time, support, and advice. It has already helped me tremendously!

In my marriage, my wife is the communicator and I am not as good at it. She definately is not blunt and hurtful, (I have seen people who are and that is hard to deal with) but my non communication is one of the many things that got me into this problem. Maybe you could ask him to come up with some ideas with you, a list of things you could do every day, that would help him to feel more comfortable with things, like go over the money, or check in with him on where you are at or going for the day, and then make it a regular, everyday thing. Maybe that would help him have more security in your relationship that he seems to have now, and help his anger level to go down a bit.

Thank you gwilly. That is a really good idea. Unfortunately, there is so much contention and fighting because he lacks trust for me and has so many hurts, I lacked communication skills big time in the beginning of our marriage which hurt us, then I hid things later on. I don't know what was wrong with me.
He loved me so much and I've hurt him because of my poor communication and lying.
I will definitely propose your idea to him. Thank you.