Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
I'd read sites, posts and articles all week telling me that begging my girlfriend for another chance was the worst thing to do, but I felt that merely showing her I can change wouldn't be enough because she was so close to leaving.
She's been distant, she's been looking for other places to live and I've been hurting as well as been afraid and confused, but there has also been a hint of positivity towards the fact that I know I can do this and become a better person.
Last night, she decided to give me a week to prove to her I can change. She said she's going into it with the idea of moving out still, so she's not changing her stance just yet. But she's said the chance is here to show her, she doesn't think I can do enough in a week to make her change her mind, but I believe that with help, patience and dedication that I can do this. I just asked that she let me in, that she close the distance between us a little. She doesn't want to be all loved up and affectionate and I completely understood that, but I need us to be closer.
So here I am, asking for help from the group. Words of encouragement, advice, how you've done if you've been in the scenario and how I can make it through this week having taken decent steps towards becoming a better person and a better partner for my girlfriend. I am positive about this, but I'm also slightly scared and nervous.
Thanks everyone,
Lying has become a coping mechanism for you. When faced with controversy or conflict we lie to avoid our perception of hurting another's feelings, making them think less of us, not appearing perfect or enough... I would lie to avoid facing shame. It is said we lie out of fear and I strongly believe this is true. So where did this begin for you?
Remember it is your brains muscle memory to lie. Like anything else it takes regular work and exercise to change this pathway. I found that there was something inside of me that knew I was going to lie. I call this my higher voice. Sit down with your partner and talk about what motivates you to lie. You will continue to lie in the beginning. Recognize when you do and correct yourself immediately. Stop doing behaviors you feel you need to lie about. Post on this site every day. Every day. Make a commitment. I will post for the next 30, 60, 90 days. I chose the 90 days in a row. Because as soon as you slack off complacency and comfort recontrol your actions and you go back to your old ways. You have to change the way you think and that hurts. Not lying to your partner includes not just telling the truth but being open with your thoughts. Are you co dependent? Do you manipulate to get your way? There is so much tied up in this behavior. But you are here and that is huge. This is about integrity and courage! And remember courage is not doing something without fear, it is doing the right thing despite your fear. Lastly hold empathy for your partner. I know you are committed to getting this right but she has her doubts. It is going to take a long long time for her to trust you again. Think of the metaphor of a train. You are the engine and she is the caboose. You will reach the top of the mountain way before she will. Our burden is carrying this empathy when we are being truthful but not believed . And do this for YOU! Whether you recover your relationship or not it is time to face these dragons that are causing your fear and slay them. I have just set my wedding date. My partner was going to leave me. We humans for some reason need catastrophe to catalyze us to change I think. Know you are a good person. Don't doubt that. Work on the core issues. Be open. Do the work. Every day.