It is a truly hard, hard thing to do. Changing ourselves from who we have become due to laziness, fear, ego, selfishness, and all the etceteras (sp?) that have done this to us is overwhelming. The scriptures say "the natural man is an enemy to God...", and obviously an enemy to ourselves and those around us. I too hate what I have done, what I became, and the people and relationships I have damaged. In my attempts to change, I imagined myself as an old house or shed, covered with dry rot, broken windows, damaged trim and paint, leaky roof, etc., and then, trying to figure out who I really was, went thru a demo day or days, tearing away all the old bad stuff, until I got down to the framework and foundation. Then I worked to figure out who I really wanted to be and made a plan to get there, with daily items I do, weekly items I do, etc., to make that house whole and functional. It is a lot of work, and sticking to it every day is a key ingredient to getting back.

It sounds like you have gotten a good start. The start is the hardest, but very close to the start is being consistant and sticking to it. Do stay strong, and stay grounded as to your goal of changing who you are. Visit this website often. I have found many pearls of wisdom here and it has helped me remember what I have done and remember my goals. Good luck.