Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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ooNYXoo 08/15/2017

I am a habitual liar. My fiancé and I have been together for 4 years, and we have two beautiful boys together. I find myself lying about the most insignificant of things, and still trying to lie when I'm found out...for instance, we recently decided to quit smoking together, and I slipped up and lied. For days. When he found out, I cried, we talked, and it was done. Then I did the same thing again, and when he found out, we had a huge heart to heart and it meant everything to me. He assured me that he wasn't going to think any less of me if I slipped up and had a smoke, and I promised I would tell him when I did. 5 days later, I slipped up again and STILL LIED ABOUT IT. Now, he won't even look at me. I feel so ashamed and pathetic that I keep thinking he and the kids would be better off without me around. I feel like all I do is lie and hurt people. And I don't even know where to begin to change, half the time I actually believe my own lies. It's so stupid that I can't even tell him I made a tiny mistake without throwing a lie in there somewhere. I'm sick of myself.

gwilly 08/15/2017

Sometimes, or maybe more than sometimes, it takes hitting the bottom of the barrel before we start to claw our way back up the side to get out. Sounds like you're about there. But don't believe the thought that they would be better off without you. But with you when you are your better self. Back to that scripture that says the natural man is an enemy to God, I would say he is also an enemy to ourselves and who we want to be and should be. Most of us have felt similar feelings to those you described and hate what we have become. But when we recognize what we have become, turn it around and figure out who and/or what you want to be. Make a plan to get there, work the plan, sticking to it religiously, and start to claw your way out. Its a hard thing. But doable. Good luck.

Tuffyt2017 08/15/2017

I am going through much the same thing. I lost everything because of my lying. Now I have no place to go but up. I am finding it is easier to not lie because then I don't have to remember what I said to who. The thing I find the hardest is I would sometimes lie so I didn't hurt people's feelings. Now I know I have to tell the truth no matter what. It's hard

Tokyod 08/15/2017

Hi ooNYXoo,

You are not alone when it comes to feeling the need to lie. It is hard and nerve wracking. However, the first thing you have to do is hold yourself accountable.

Make it a goal to not say any lies in a day. If you feel yourself about to tell a lie, pause and take a deep breath, think about the truth and then say the truth. If you do say a lie, correct yourself right then and there, even if it does get awkward. It's about being consciousness.

At the end of the day, we all have messed up ways and things we are not proud of. Just say fuck it and speak the truth, if you get rejected or if it hurts the other person's feelings. Let it. Because the truth hurts only for a few seconds but a lie will destroy everything that you built. They will respect you more, and trust is earned and given when it is shown through positive actions and by truthful words.

Don't let your pattern of bad habits and your mind think you're a bad person or don't deserve love. That is your mind instinctively fueling the negativity we feel. Like Gwilly said when he referenced Scripture, we are own worst enemy. Don't let your negative thoughts stop you from your goals and internal happiness and peace of mind. Kick that crap in the face and work hard each day, read books on shame, (look up Brene Brown - thank you Mikeyrg!), if you are religious start praying more, spend time with your children and be honest with them. Have another heart to heart with your man and tell him all the lies you told and connect again, this time with a step by step plan on how you are going, to be honest, and what to do if you make a mistake. Start with a clean slate so you won't have to hide any secrets. Create a positive plan that fits your schedule of things that will hold you accountable. Download a reminder app, exercise for 10 minutes 3 days a week (we all have 10 minutes) and just keep going.

Every day will have its challenges, but just hang in there and keep fighting even if you don't see any progress or get a pat on the back. You are doing a good job already, just keep moving forward and never look back.

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