Liars Anonymous Community Group

A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!

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Dilemma

chuckbroph
chuckbroph

My wife has told me she wants a divorce. I'm really sruggling. I understand her decision and if I was in her shoes I may be making the same decision. The question she keeps asking which I wish I had an answer for was "What else have you lied to me about or what don't I know?" After my latest episode of lying was exposed, a lot of lies or secrets were revealed. Telling people what I lied about, especially the ones I love the most, proves to be the hardest. They are the people I lie to because I am afraid of confrontation or I dont want to dissapoint them. The problem is that I don't even know what I was lying about. I would love to purge this garbage from my soul and I don't even know how. I try to explain the reason I lied to her so much is because I loved her so much. That is a sick and twisted sentence, but that is how I felt.  One day at a time. I have the feeling this going to be a long, painful trip.

hmm
hmm
I am in the same situation. In retrospect, I have been a liar all my life. And I call myself a Christian. I lie to cover up failing to uphold a promise or try to make myself look better in the midst of conflict. I will pray for you if you do the same for me. It does not have to be painful unless we make it so.
chuckbroph
chuckbroph
Most of my lies are fear based - some compulsive without any conscious motivation at all. I am determined to do the work to make myself better. Will it save my family? Only time will tell. One thing is certain, if I don't put in the work there is zero chance of getting my family back. Keep me updated on your progress and any tips or insight would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for commenting.
mikeyrg
mikeyrg
You have hit the nail on the head. We lie out of fear! Fear of rejection,abandonment, imperfections, loss of control, etc. If you have read my earlier post this behavior is embedded in our psychi. It is a muscle memory defense mechanism. It will not change overnight. It takes daily practice. Your earlier post brought a smile to me. When you recounted your lie! Stay this course. You will slip but immediately admit out loud to somebody your lie. This makes you accountable. And do this only for yourself. Not your partner. It will take time for your partner to forgive. I use the metaphor of a train. You will reach the top of the mountain long before the last car you are pulling which is where your partner resides. Keep empathy for their doubt as they carry of the hurt of deception. That is our burden. Keep faith. Embrace your imperfections as your defining characters. Learn to love your authentic self. No need for embellishment. It is a great life. Open up with your thoughts. Withholding them amounts to lying as well. That was my most difficult issue I think. I would hold my thoughts to myself. I have found that being open allows my partner to know where I stand even if upsets her for a moment. We get over it and move forward without bottling up feelings!! Once you start down this path there is no turning back. I quit telling lies when I fell in love with the truth. One day at a time!! But commit to every day!