Hello. I am new to this and am going nuts. My name is Holly and I have been a compulsive liar for almost two decades. I have told lies over and over so much that they become the truth to me. Just recently, my best friend and my girlfriend caught me in a few lies and found me out. I was honest with them ( for the first time ever) and told them that I would get help. I wake up every day now feeling sick to my stomach of all of the lies I told, even told to perfect strangers, and mostly for the hurt that I put on my girlfriend and my best friend who are miraculously still talking to me. I lied about things that no human should ever lie about, from emotional abuse to physical abuse, to going places that I never were, to meeting people that I have never met. In fact I have had multiple conversations on the phone by myself knowing that there was no one on the other line and made up an entire family of people that do not nor ever existed. I admit that I am a piece of shit and my girlfriend is with me on a probationary basis right now, to treat them better and to not lie anymore. I haven't told a lie in 4 days and it seems like a lifetime. I never understood what was fully wrong with me, although I know what I have done and I just feel like I should jump off of a cliff from all of the bullshit that I fed so many people. I am not suicidal, but the fact is I don't think that I deserve to live, and more importantly, how do I live with myself from a lifetime of so many lies? I feel like I need to confess to everyone and then die. It's not my first time on daily strength, but the lying was just part of my denial. So what do you think? Will there ever be a time when i won't feel guilty about all of the lies I have told? It's so hard to deal with, I'm disgusted being in my own body and breathing when there are so many other people who are truthful that have never gone down this road. What do I do? Apparently I have no conscience, even slander remarks are welcome because God knows that I deserve it.