Liars Anonymous Community Group
A support group to provide those with a compulsive addiction to lie a place to share hope, strength and courage with others like them; solve our common problem and help others with a compulsion to lie. We aren't alone!
My name is Adriana and I am a pathological liar...I think. I've lied about being in abusive relationships, being sexually assaulted, having gone to a detention center, having had serious injuries, getting into Ivy leagues, traveling, the list goes on and on. I don't know why I do it. It just happens, I think of a story that sounds thrilling or entertaining and all of a sudden I'm telling everyone who will listen. My mother once told me that I victimize myself, and I think she might be right. The only thing I can think of that makes sense is that I lie to impress people, as well as to gain their sympathy and loyalty. I'm in the healthiest, most loving relationship I've ever had right now and I've recently started having panic attacks about the future of my relationship. I'm afraid he's going to find out how much I've lied to him about myself and then leave me, and not just leave me but hate me. I love him more than anything in the world, and I don't lie to him because I want to, nor because I want to control or manipulate him. It just happens. I want to stop, I want to be honest and secure in myself. Advice?
I'm also wrestling with the moral implications of my actions. I have contributed to anti-feminist narratives that dismantle and oppress those who have survived assault or lived through trauma. How do I live with myself?
I have been with my wife for 18 years, I have been married to the woman that I love more then anything for 12 years. And I have lied to her for years. I would hide things from her, and then lie to keep them hidden. And it took me getting kicked out of my house, and facing the very real possibility of getting divorced from the woman that I love, and losing my 2 beautiful children to really take a look at who I was. I had created this false reality and kept fueling it with lies and deceit.
And the worse part is if I had just gone to my wife and told her that I was scared, and this is what I had done, she told me that we wouldn't be in the position that we are in. That she would be there by my side trying to help me, and get me back to being a good person. But I was too much of a chicken that I couldn't bring myself to admit that I had a problem.
So, you are doing the right thing by trying to seek help. And if the relationship you are in is the one that you want to stay in, then you need to be stronger than I could be, and tell him everything. It's better to be coming from you, then to find out himself.
tiki73, I really value your wisdom. The thing is: I'm not certain my relationship is more important to me than preserving my sense of dignity. But eventually, if I want to have a family or a more permanent relationship, I will have to prioritize my partner over my ego. How do I stop the compulsive aspect of this addiction? I have moved to a number of towns where I have the opportunity to start over again, but the habit always follows me.