20 years ago-I was still married-to a man that had deserted me and moved out of state.
-I still had 2 kids at home
-I had just gotten my first grandson a year earlier and was sure enjoying that
-I had just started a new job after being out of work for a year
-I was straight (i thought )


Now, at the age of 62-I am just fresh out of an 18 year relationship with a woman
-The kids are all married and on their own
-I have 3 grandsons now
-I have 3 great grandbabies-and 2 of them are GIRLS, and I'm sure enjoying that
-I just had my 20 year anniversary at my job
-I'm a lesbian-who knew that 20 years ago?- Not me.
-I have learned to notice and enjoy the world around me.
- I love traveling and going on vacation all over this country
-I love the simple things, a starry night, a bonfire, going fishing, working in my garden
or on my landscaoing.
-I appreciate things now that I never would have 20 years ago

So why have I changed in 20 years? I would guess my experiences have a lot to do with it. Aging itself probably has a lot to do with it. No matter how active you are, aging will slow you done somewhat and make you stop and smell the roses. I will have to say my ex-girlfriend showed me a lot of how to enjoy life more, so I guess the people i've met over the years have also changed me. Being so in love with a beautiful, wonderful woman, and then her leaving me has changed me again in the last year and I am trying to let the changes turn me into a better person, and not a bitter person. Now I am looking back on my life, and if there's something I don't like, I'm looking at how to change that into something positive.

Terrific introspection, perspective and attitude, Terri.

Hmmm ... 20 years ago, at age 45, I used to power walk 6 miles every day, through mountainous terrain, as well as beach sand. Having been an intense athlete all my life (tennis, racket ball, volleyball, swimming), I had developed an incredible stamina and could outplay any competitor, woman or man. I was at the peak of my physical strength and started a small business at age 50, which proved to be very successful and profitable for several years.

Then, from out of the blue, I developed a serious kidney condition that landed me in the hospital for most of the year 2001. All kinds of complications (liver, neurological) resulted as a side effects from the massive medications administered to control my kidneys. And, in the blink of an eye, I began having difficulty walking (very painful) due to nerve damage in both legs. I was unable to continue working, and had to close my business. During this period, and for the next four years, I was unable to work and lived through other significant major losses in my life :

- my relationship of 13 years desintegrated
- my woman best friend was diagnosed with ovarian cancer and dies within a year
- my youngest (and favorite) brother is diagnosed with colon cancer and also dies within a
year
- my godson and oldest nephew is gunned down and killed when he and his wife were
parking at a local pub where they were going to celebrate their anniversay with a few
friends
- my Dad (and best friend) is diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and suddenly the brilliant, wise
spiritual man and mentor I once knew ceased to be
- my Mom was diagnosed with vascular dementia almost simultaneously (they had been
teen sweetherats and married for over 70 years)
- Medical and living expenses for myself and elderly parents depleted all my savings and
retirement funds (I was spending a monthly average of $8,000 for four years) - so I also
lost my financial security for which I had planned and saved through the years.

When multiple medical specialists prognosticated that I would be wheel chair bound for the remainder of my life, my response was : You don't know the power of my mind, nor the strength of my spiritual faith. Currently my kidneys have been stabilized for the last 7 years (changed my nutrition) and I'm totally mobile. Albeit it's very painful to walk because I can't take ANY medications to manage my pain in order to protect my kidneyes, I keep moving forward.

At the tail end of this period I was blessed with the most wonderful gift of all : the deep love, companionship and support from a remarkable woman who has brought immense joy and passion and tenderness into my life during the last 6 years. I have recently lost her and find myself heartbroken and lost without her.

However, from my own trajectory and experiences through life I have learned many lessons and become cognizant of how emotionally and spiritually strong I really am. And I know that, in due time after I learn new lessons from this last experience, I shall continue my journey forward, very much still in love with her since I don't want any other woman in my life. She was my perfect partner, my perfect fit in all possible dimensions : intellectually, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

Although I've always been a thinker, I'm also a die hard a romantic who is moved by and enjoys the simple things in life : laughter, rain showers, oceanside walks, all of nature and its wonderful creatures. But I have yet much more to learn ... and I will.

Oh, yes, I'm much different from who and how I was 20 years ago. After all, time always manages to leave its presence imprinted in our souls, hearts and life.

I'm different 'over 50' than I was 20 years ago…because? I have higher self esteem now, and am healthier emotionally & more balanced mentally than 20 years ago. (I also got dx’ed the following year (1993) with Bipolar Disorder type 2). Now: 20 years ago: It was 1992. I was 35. The year before, I had gone back to a 2 year college as an re-entry student. I was majoring in psychology. Being back in school, was great! It boosted my self esteem, because I discovered I was actually a smart woman! Something until then I was only vaguely aware of. Even though others often told me how intelligent I was!! I was in a fairly new relationship- for over a year by that time. We had done the lesbian “u-haul” syndrome and moved in together in less than a year. I did serial monogamy at this point in my life, it was back to back relationships most often. Glad I don't do that one anymore!!

My Mother was 82, (turned 83 in June) and her health was not very good. She had diabetes, high blood pressure, heart issues. Well, that year she had a few strokes & a heart-attack that landed her in the hospital. The 1st time she got past it rather quickly and went home and regained speech and all that she feared she had lost. My Mom (at that time) only lived 30 mins. drive from me, so I saw her fairly often. Her spirits were rather good.

Meanwhile I’m still in the relationship, which by the way has gone into its 2nd year by now. My partner was an insecure person, she didn’t really like to “share” me with others, such as my friends, a few of whom were ex partners of mine, but we’d healed and moved on and were now platonic friends. She got very upset when I made plans with a friend to go do something alone with a friend, say like a lunch or coffee and hang out and chat awhile.

In the beginning, when my partner got upset, I would reassure her at great length, as I figured she needed that to feel ok and safe (due to some of her past experiences) and re: my connections with ex partners as friends. However, I soon came to realize it wasn’t going to change on her part. Because if I was at any friends house, (not just an ex.‘s) she would find excuses to need to call me on the phone-say 3 or 4 times per visit! Needless to say this was embarrassing as well as truly annoying to me. It seemed she had no trust for me or faith in me.

We began to get into more disagreements about various things, it seems I had found myself in a relationship with a “controlling” person. It started getting worse, as she found more things to complain about and /or try and control in me. Which I balked at and intensely so. Told her every time, she wasn’t In charge of me and she needed to get a grip and to get some therapy perhaps to work on her self esteem and trust issues. I was already in individual therapy myself, which was helping me see as well why I chose this type of relationship to engage in. I was coming to the conclusion if things didn’t change soon, I was going to have to end this partnership. As it wasn’t healthy for me, nor was I happy as I had been in the early months, when things seemed vastly different. & Yet then there were wonderful times and carefree times thrown in there, that caused me to doubt ending things with her….

Meanwhile my partner decided she wanted to transfer out of state from Calif. To (Colorado) for her major and to complete her degree. I was feeling very uncertain about the whole thing due to how unpredictable things were going with her. At the same time; My Mom was getting ill again and had another stroke, this time a major one. My partner still expected me to relocate with her regardless of my mothers health issues. Which upset me considerably, as I didn’t know if my mom was going to make it through for much longer. (my step father had died suddenly a few mo. Before, during one of her stays in a rehab facility) and mom seemed so depressed and to give up on living from that point on. She refused to do any more physical therapy so that she could walk again or take care of herself and be able to go home etc. It was heartbreaking to watch my mother fall apart emotionally and disintegrate further daily.

Meanwhile, my partner wanted me to relocate with her out of state regardless of my mothers condition, which I felt selfish on her part. I told her point blank, I wasn’t leaving while my mother was in the physical & emotional, mental states she was in. That if she died while I was gone, I’d not forgive myself etc. This was to become the cause of many disagreements between us, during that stressful time. I told her to go on without me and after my Mom was gone? (It was clear my Mom wasn’t most likely going to make it through by now) That I’d consider joining her (in Colorado) at that time.

Well, that wasn’t the response my partner wanted to hear and she became very angry and hurt, doubting my commitment and love for her. In turn, which further alienated me from her emotionally. I began to talk with friends (for feedback) and my therapist about truly ending my then 2+ yr relationship. So, a few weeks later I did end things with my partner and it was a mere few weeks later, In November, my mother died in her sleep one night peacefully, while in the hospital. Needless to say I had to grieve and process losing my mom to death and was still grieving the loss of my stepfather. (from a few months prior).

Of course I also needed to process the ending of my 2 yr relationship as well. It was a heartfelt time and stressful to walk through three losses in such a short time. I also was dealing for a number of years by now-with some serious ongoing organic depression & health issues, Fibromyalgia, many migraine headaches, early menopause (due to a hysterectomy a few years prior) and chemical sensitivities. To top it off my 3 sons (All were still under age 18 still) didn’t live with me and I only saw them on weekends or a bit more time spent on their school vacations. I had much guilt and grief due to this fact too. That’s another whole story!

I ended up becoming overwhelmed with so many losses so close together, to the point I was often overly emotional and crying walking to classes and couldn’t stop sometimes…….my therapist & school counselors both recommended I drop out the remainder of that fall semester, till I had some adequate time to grieve, so I took that advice and dropped out. & There! that was 20 years ago! Whew! Sorry that this came out so lengthy!! Its just hard for me to edit my own writing I think!!! Tend to think if I leave out too many details? The story won’t make sense to others!! Lol…..

I'm very touched by all the inspirational stories everyone has shared. I'm blessed to be in the company of so many strong,courageous and loving women

Jess, thank you for sharing such a personal part of your journey. I'm sure those heartbreaks transformed and strengthened you into the great woman you are today. Many blessings, my friend.

Wow – I am humbled to be in the company of such strong, courageous women. How wonderful of all of you to share your life experiences. Thanks to each and every one of you.

It’s amazing what happens over the course of a couple of decades.

20 years ago I had just begun a relationship with a woman whom I thought was the love of my life. It was a joyous, magical time ~ and I was over-the-moon happy and on top of the world.

Today that same woman, after trashing our relationship of 19 years with infidelity and emotional abuse, is still in my life – unfortunately - but thankfully only on the periphery. And will remain there until the legal wrangling is complete. Then, if I’m lucky, I will never have to lay eyes on her again. I can only hope. I have survived that baptism by fire with the help of my wonderful friends (see below). Although I didn’t know it at the time of the breakup, it has been a blessing to sever the ties from that deeply troubled woman.

20 years ago, I was lucky enough to have my mom and my stepdad alive and in good health. Since then, they both have passed away. I loved them both very much and am grateful that both of their passings were swift and that they didn’t suffer long.

20 years ago I had some incredible friendships. Today those same friendships continue to grow and deepen. Additionally, I have been blessed with some new, wonderful friendships. I am indeed thankful for all of my friends; I know how blessed I am to have them. I also recently reconnected with an old friend I’d lost touch with 30 years ago. We picked up right where we’d left off.

20 years ago I was working myself into an early grave in a high-stress job. Today I am retired and my health is back where is should be and my blood pressure is fabulous. I am blessed, indeed.

20 years ago I wanted to have time to volunteer and give back to my community. Today I live in a new community and spend 4 days a week volunteering in school and church activities. 20 years ago I thought volunteering would be fun, but today I know just how deeply fulfilling it is. Again, I am blessed.

20 years ago, I was enjoying my life, but as the years have passed, my appreciation for it has increased exponentially. My life is graced with wonderful people and the amazing opportunity to experience the profound joy of living each day. I am so grateful for all of it.

MV

Yeah, way different. At 34 I had been living with my ex for 2 years, was extremely insecure.
Had already started cutting myself off from everyone I knew.
Very naive and inexperienced in the ways of the world.
Had been driving over-the-road for 8 years at that time so plenty of experience in that regard but still getting freaked out by winter.
I think we had just moved to Ft. Worth Tx from San Diego to see about my ex's aunt who was over 100 and being abused in a nursing home. Had not bought our fixer-upper house yet.
My Dad was still around but I lost him just 4 months later unexpectedly.

What happened in the next 20 years was grueling and painful. I seriously considered suicide more than once.
But in the end, I proved to be stronger than I knew possible. It is true that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
The changes for the better started in 2009.
I reconnected with the family that I loved so much and they accepted me back with open arms.
I left my psychologically abusive relationship after all that time and very slowly started on the road to recovery.
Today, life is beautiful to me. I learned so much in those 20 years
.I learned how much endurance I have. I learned an awful lot about house maintenance and repair.
I came to realize the preciousness of life and how grateful I am for it.
I also experienced an absolute and divine love that carried me through my darkest moments.
My compassion for others grew dramatically, as well as my strong desire to get to the other side of this and never let myself go there again.
Something I learned in the 2 years since I left is that just because I'm afraid, I can still move forward. I had many things to do that terrified me in confronting my ex and I found myself waiting for the courage to do them. Then I realized I would be waiting forever if I was waiting for the fear to pass. The courage presented itself as I took the steps I had to take. I had to act while afraid and that was a very valuable lesson.
I never would want to repeat those 20 years but am so grateful for the lessons I learned during them.

Hello All,

Is this the right group or the duplicate one that Solasinti mentioned before?! I'm not seeing too much activity here, so was wondering if i'm in the wrong spot! Or maybe the group is just slow right now?

Namaste,
Jess

Just Slow Jess ~

This group needs some energy ! Let me send out some invites to a few of my friends. We need to get the volume turned up here!

Twenty years ago, I was a relatively new transplant to the Northwest after being living in my birth city of Houston for almost 30 years. I left a homophobic town which almost elected a former mayor who was heard off camera saying his solution to the AIDS crisis was to "shoot the queers". Fast forward to present, Houston elected a lesbian mayor. I had just broken up with the woman I moved up here with as she was diagnosed with multiple personalities and was now straight. Although I am separated currently, I am thankful for the life experiences of the past 20 years. I am more closer to my mom minus my dear step-dad who passed. I have more confidence in who I am. I seen the circle of life with raising kittens who lived for 16 years. I went from working and living in a homophobic town in my youth to being fully accepted for being a gay woman at my company which I have held for 22 years. I am reasonably finanically secure now and am pondering retirement in the next 5 to 10 years. I like being older and the freedom I feel. I am scared at being single again but eagerly anticipate the next chapters of my life.

hmmm.....20 yrs ago....

Well, 20 years ago, I was working on breeding my German Shepherd dog for the second time. She had a litter of 11 for the second time but we lost 3. It was a busy time! I learned how to entertain large number of puppies while their food was being made. My partner and I had lived through my cheating on her and absolute craziness, we were in our 3rd year, of the second longest relationship I would ever have. Since that time, none have lasted more than two years.

I had been laid off, from a 20 yr job, and no longer working in a warehouse. And thank goodness for that, we were going broke feeding me. WIth the level of physical labor I did, I could easily eat 3 lbs of steak in one sitting and still LOSE weight. If somone invited me to dinner, I would eat a dinner before I went so not to embarrass myself. My partner loved the look on people's face when I would eat 5 chicken breasts, and then learn i had just eaten a full meal before arriving. I was as healthy as a horse, and it showed, I was in the best shape of my life. A group of us loved to go to lesbian dances in the area and they would send me up for drinks, because the pile of butches at the bar would part like the Red Sea when I walked up and would get my drinks first...lol

But I was also in the 3 year of my well water contamination...though I didn't know it, but beginning to have mysterious health issues.

Twenty years ago dad was diagnosed with Leukimia and I had just re-established my relationship with him, but still not my mother. I came from serious abuse. I was also coping with a partner who refused to go to my parents home, disliking how my mother treated me, and how I would be for weeks afterward. My aunt who had moved to this country from Portugal some 10 years earlier had died, because of injuries suffered during an irrational jealous rage at her husband when leaving to go to the local dump! I was coming off a severe depression. I was also only about 4 or 5 years into the lesbian community, as I had left my longest relationship due to destructive jealousy.

Today, i'm out of work due to he incredible amount of problems with the water contamination. I lost a dog because of it, and hold my breath for one of the others. But I am inproving everyday. Where 20 yrs ago I didn't believe I was smart enough for college, I am about 4 courses away from my internship, for a master's in mental health counseling, and doing it with a 3.7-4.0 average. I'm considering breeding again, but Shiloh Shepherds this time. I am friends with my mom, she has alheizmer's and forgot she didn't like me.

I just ended a 2 yr relationship that went terribly wrong, but i've learned yet another lesson. I think I said in another post, from here on in, I am going to have women fill out applications before I take them seriously. While I'm not thrilled with losing yet another relationship, I'm happy enough. I have good friends, thought I do need to get some lesbian ones, since most friends are either gay men, or straight, married people. Still, life is interesting and I love that I've fooled mom to thinking she likes me...lmao.

Twenty years ago my humor was wild, unstopable. Today, its more mature but there nontheless. I've grown up lots in twenty years. Now if only my gf would mature up some!!


Today, my dad is

ugh This puter makes me nuts....in your mind, delete the last line....lol

Twenty years ago I too was at the top of my game. Met a funny, wonderful woman, we were still party and club people and I did love to dance. Today we are still living in our home but separately. I'm not in a good space at this time. Not only because the relationship is in the toile but a host of bad things that had happened in my life. I don't know me and I don't like me like this. I'm the type of person who doesn't share too much of my personal feelings. I don't like to go to friends because they are our friends, my best friend passed away this year and I feel so alone. I knew I was in trouble so I put myself into therapy and went to a shrink to go on meds to help me over this bad time. So I know exactly where you are all coming from and you know what it feels good just to say what I said. I know I'll find my way back I didn't get here over night. The shame of it all is partners don't really listen to you after so many years. Why ??? When we were we it was great now it's all I.
I still have things to do and places to go so I'll keep fighting till I get to the top of the hil...

I like being with women my own age, with the depth, complexty, and, yes, emotional baggage, and wisdom we have accumulated along the way. We understand each other.

Twenty years ago, my son from my first marriage was 4 yrs old. I had only been back from the San Francisco Bay Area 2 yrs. I was working for the local government in Western Kentucky. Later, with 10 oral board exams under my belt, I worked as a power plant unit operator, often the only woman in the powerhouse. I -- stupidly -- got married to a man who (unknown to me) wanted traditional gender roles, where a real man wouldn't be caught dead vacuuming, no matter how physically injured his wife is. He already had a child who might not have been born to me, and the courts don't recognize any related rights for me, but he is certainly mine, spending half his time with me, and half with his dad. He is in high school now. At the power plant, an ops manager forced me into a position where I was permanently injured, and I lost my beloved technical job. Yep, lot's of baggage.

This year, my female companion of 5 yrs absolutely broke my heart, a "my kids" vs "your kids" situation. She has moved out and chosen "separation", which feels like a prelude to goodbye.

I live in the absolute soul of Bigotry here in Kentucky. This is a Southern Baptist fortress, where a failure to belong to the white, land-owning, Deep-South, science-hating, lgbt-hating ruling class guarantees harassment and condemnation. I most certainly am not out. I do not belong here. I am 51 now. I have scraped together 90 credit hours toward a bachelor degree. And, I am in a state of mourning...mourning my career, my youth, my education, days without severe pain....My life is now in a "now what?" stage. What is next?

What awesome stories from all you ladies !!! Twenty years ago I was just sliding on the "down side" of an illustrious career in the insurance business. My second husband had left me for an 18 yr old that h met at work and I had just begun attending AA meetings. A short 6 mos later I had a breakdown and landed in the psych ward for two weeks and on disability from there, ever after. I came from a middle class back ground and like to joke that I went from rags-to-riches and the back to rags again. Lol. I stayed sober through all the down slide & made serious progress in therapy after my abusive mother died and I connected with a great therapist who encouraged me to be whatever I wanted to be. Through the meditative practice of "Contemplative Prayer", I have discovered a great deal about myself...I'm gay, in spite of having two husband and two sons...that was a really comforting admission to myself. Financially, I've struggled and now have a 48 yr old son living with me after he had spent 15 yrs with Lady Cocaine. He's doing really well too. We have each other for support and he has found his "inner artist" and we are all good. I'm basically still in the closet as the four people that I came out to have all rejected me except my son and my therapist.
Wish I could say that I have a GF but that may yet happen. I'm well connected to the LGBT community & live in a big city in Canada where it's okay and fairly safe. My "old" church doesn't know and they are my main social circle. I don't intend to tell them. They aren't what you call blatant homophobics but they seem to love me and many just wouldn't be able to handle a lesbian in their midst. Like Pegasus148; I'm at the "What's next?" stage of life.