Oh Sweetie, you are so not alone, not long after I first came out I was involved with a woman that literally cost me my job, my, car,& my home. I made horrible decisions, I knew she was untrust worthy but I needed so desperately to hear the words she was saying, I allowed her to destroy me financially. I ended up totally homeless and walked by myself to a homeless shelter carrying my few possessions with me. I AM SO THANKFUL THAT IT HAPPENED!!!!! It is a long story, but I met my spiritual mentor and began to heal childhood wounds, and began to see the world in a completely different way.

I got up early, walked in the dark to the bus stop transfered buses twice and still walked about a mile to work carring my heals in a bag, withen 30 days I was out of the shelter without help from anyone on earth. It was a hard time but I would not trade it for the world.

Please be gentle with yourself and look for the lesson, keep your heart soft and allow yourself to use the pain to help you grow. Your situtation brought you to DS where you have already been a help to others, and hopefully been encouraged and grown yourself.

I admire your strength and conviction to overcome your need for the medication, hopefully someday you can use this pain to help others.

WARM HUGS and I am glad you are a part of DS.

please know that you are not alone. it will get better. i was with a girl that did the same thing . we was together for five years left me and her three kids for her boss at work. i lost my job at the same time.everything was in my name the car the house credit cards that she got in my name to pay for her hotels and flowers. she just walked away from everything but a electric bill of 200 dollars. she left me oweing over a hundred thousand dollars. i had to deliver pizzas to make ends meat.sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. i wish you the best of luck. i would wake up in the morning and just want to scream somedays. me and my dog lived off of pizza for about a month. until i got my first check. i really had to let my higher power take over and somedays i would tell myself all i have to do is breath. i was so poor i took toilet paper from a church.

you are not alone and i am so sorry that that is the case! i hear this story way too often.
there are people who have no conscience and just use others. the sad thing is they often rationalize it and
do not believe they have done anything wrong.
it really takes a long time to truly get to know someone. maybe we get into r'ships too quickly, before we really know anothers character. we need to take it slower.
people can say whatever they want about who they are -- but their behavior over time will bear out their character.
and sometimes ... maybe it is better to just depend on ourselves.
love is risky!!
i am sorry you are struggling and i wish you strength and peace, and to take your recovery one day at a time.

Peaceful, Gentle Greetings, Rozeo,
My heart and prayers for Blessings of Light, Healing and Peace, go out to you for this stretch of hard road you are travelling right now.
You asked 'why do we let people do this to us?' Two things that come to my mind as to why: loneliness and fear of being alone. We might take all kinds of risks to alleviate those feelings. Unfortunately, projecting those needs outwardly could set us up to appear as prey and, equally unfortunately, there are many predators out there. Predators, not governed by conscience, honor, or respect of others, may be unaware they are predators and as such react from unconscious levels to prey.
When, or if, you might chance a relationship/partnership again, you might wish to consider, for example, keeping your bank accounts completely separate. My Wyfe and I have been together over ten years this year and we still have separate bank accounts (we do share some accounts but we do have at least our original two accounts separate).
In my previous marriages, I got "screwed over royally" in both those situations. Those wretched situations increased my already wary nature. Still, over time, I did open up and trust some, but in the back of my mind there is still that bit of skepticism. And maybe that's not entirely a bad thing to keep hold of a couple of bits of self-protection skepticism. You know what I mean?
Again, I send my heart's compassion and prayers for Blessings of Light, Healing and Peace, to you for this stretch of hard road you are travelling right now.
'An it harm none, Blessed Be. :)
Toni ~ AyniaNightFish.... Family With My Beloved CroneLunaWulf And All Our Kindred Fur, Feather And Fin Spirits...

Rozeo, I know what you are going through with the detox. Maybe not exactly because everyone's situation is different, but I took pain scripts for years for a valid diagnosed condition. And then was told it was doing more harm than good to my body, and it was ruining my life as well. I am familiar with the hell you are going through.

And I agree with dreamscicle. It usually takes us a long time to see the "beauty from our pain." I am still looking for the beauty from some of my pain. ;-) But I won't stop looking. Don't you stop looking either.

As far as your question about looking to another for our own identity, I know that to be true in my own life. Whether it was a parent, a sibling, a friend, a spouse, ALMOST ANYONE- I found myself watching and mimicking to "blend" and not make waves, to make everyone comfortable, to fit in, to be thought of as "normal,"... to be invisible, to NOT get hurt. In the end, it backfired on me. It is only very recently that I have the strength to be myself and let the chips fall where they may! You find yourself, and never let her go. I know she must be a beautiful soul.

You are in my prayers. ((Safe, gentle hug))

The support here says so much, I don't have much to add. But you know me.. I always have sumpthin' to say ~ *wink

Ya know hon ~ I know and see your pain and struggle so clearly here. I know this is a very, very hard road of your journey on Earth, but I am so honored, and so inspired by your sharing your honest thoughtful insights. You are taking baby steps...growing and learning right before our eyes. You are looking deep within, seeing who you are and examining your past because there is something inside you driving you here!! It's so beautiful!!!
I know you feel like you're crawling on all fours right now honey.. but you ARE moving forward! We All start out All our new journey's crawling *smile
(((((long, long hug))))))

I can say without a doubt, that if you keep this positive energy moving, you will find a very, very great success in life. This success will simply be contentment, peace and a feeling of pride. When you arrive, you will find a new way of thinking and a new heart; and you're openess and kindness will have a new, healthy protective side that is observant and cautious. You will take time, past the honeymoon stage of euphoria and get to know the spiritual, intellectual, moral side of your 'potentials'. And, one day when you're out in the garden, sipping iced tea with your beloved you will suddenly realize that all you went through was to 'get here'. It might make you cry.. and she'll wonder why.. but.. just hug her and tell her you love her so much, then sit back and soak up the well deserved life you have together. *smile.

Keep doing what you're doing sweet one!! I am so freakin' proud of you! Just try with all you have....every morning,.. to keep Total : Complete Faith in yourself and your Higher Power. You'll still fall and stumble.. we all do honey. Just get up, dust off, and keep on keepin' on.

((long hug))

Thank you all so much for the heart felt very wise sensitive replies.

Oh! I gotta do this - quoting MsTeri "And, one day when you're out in the garden, sipping iced tea with your beloved you will suddenly realize that all you went through was to 'get here'. It might make you cry.. and she'll wonder why.. but.. just hug her and tell her you love her so much, then sit back and soak up the well deserved life you have together. *smile. "

I have to step up and say I have had this happen! Years ago, struggling with all the pain, rage, inner torment, angst and all the akin to those feelings in the past, I would've never, ever have believed that I would get to where I am today - more peaceful and contented than I have ever felt in my life. Sure, there are still moments of less than happy emotions, but nothing like in the past. And I Thank Goddess and God and all the Blessings of Kindred Spirits and caring, gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) help along the way.

When there might be those times where everything feels utterly dark and hopeless, like good times just won't ever be there, I hope MsTeri's words will come to you like a soothing, warm Light, reminding you that *good is possible and can happen.* :)

-raises glass- Cheers and praying for you Brightest Blessings, 'An it harm none, Blessed Be.
Toni ~AyniaNightFish....
...Family With My Beloved CroneLunaWulf And All Our Kindred Fur, Feather And Fin Spirits...