Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I have been a member here for a while and write on other boards as well. Two years ago I went through a very bad break up with a woman I married in Canada, both n our forties. She cheated with a very young co worker and left me. I had gotten a morgage on my house to pay off her nursing school loans etc ... Well, I was stuck with the house loan alone. I lost my house, still in forclosure and its getting closer to me having to leave. I was also stuck with all the animals, three large dogs and three cats which I do love dearly. I became addicted to percocet, first addiction had ever had in my 42 years of life at the time. I did stop using, told my Dr and they helped me get away from the addiction, I met another woman from my past (20 yrs ago) we hooked up, I go back and forth between my house and hers, my animals reside at my house. I have not felt normal sense the break up, I stayed involved with ex for over a year after her leaving me, I allowed her to basically use me when she needed things done. I couldnt let go. I did finally let go and have dated a few women in the past year and nothng has felt right with any of them accept the one I am with but I still dont feel good enough for her (6 months together now). I am on disability, have anxiety disorder and only partial capacity of one lung.
anyway. am not happy, it seems I have lost my ability to be happy wether alone or with someone. I just cannot get back to me.
I cannot even enjoy sex anymore and that was always a strong point for me, I have lost my ability to even have an orgasm. (Sorry to be blunt)
The break up was totally devestating to me, for me to even turn to drugs for the first time should tell you just how much it crushed my world.
I was very anti drug always. Anyway, that is fixed but cannot find happness. Am I just with the wrong person? I am n counselng, have been, I am on an antidepressant. I just cannot seem to get back to who I was before the break up which was a happy person, loving my roll as wife and step mom, I ran a self help group online for people with anxiety disorders and my life felt so complete.
I fear I am never going to be happy again, never going to feel good again.'
I have never in my life had to live with someone else either and now the plan is when I leave the house to move n with the new woman and I am so not looking forward to living under someone elses roof. (she knows how I feel, I have been honest) and I really do appreciate her.
I do love her, she is sweet, there for me but a bit of a perfectionist. I have truly thought about suicide many times, the only thing that stops me is my pets because its now been over two years and I cannot find any happness in myself or anywhere. I dont know what am dong wrong, Like i said, im in counselng, antidepressant etc ... I just feel like my life is over. I cry way to much, just feel in lmbo and never to feel right again.I feel like I have no place in this world. Any advice?
P.S. The house I have lost was my dads, he lived all my life in it and he died there, I feel like I really let him down losing it.
anyway. am not happy, it seems I have lost my ability to be happy wether alone or with someone. I just cannot get back to me.
I cannot even enjoy sex anymore and that was always a strong point for me, I have lost my ability to even have an orgasm. (Sorry to be blunt)
The break up was totally devestating to me, for me to even turn to drugs for the first time should tell you just how much it crushed my world.
I was very anti drug always. Anyway, that is fixed but cannot find happness. Am I just with the wrong person? I am n counselng, have been, I am on an antidepressant. I just cannot seem to get back to who I was before the break up which was a happy person, loving my roll as wife and step mom, I ran a self help group online for people with anxiety disorders and my life felt so complete.
I fear I am never going to be happy again, never going to feel good again.'
I have never in my life had to live with someone else either and now the plan is when I leave the house to move n with the new woman and I am so not looking forward to living under someone elses roof. (she knows how I feel, I have been honest) and I really do appreciate her.
I do love her, she is sweet, there for me but a bit of a perfectionist. I have truly thought about suicide many times, the only thing that stops me is my pets because its now been over two years and I cannot find any happness in myself or anywhere. I dont know what am dong wrong, Like i said, im in counselng, antidepressant etc ... I just feel like my life is over. I cry way to much, just feel in lmbo and never to feel right again.I feel like I have no place in this world. Any advice?
P.S. The house I have lost was my dads, he lived all my life in it and he died there, I feel like I really let him down losing it.
Second what a time you have been through I really do feel for you. I do understand how your feeling. Not going to in depth but I recently had the same I put my life into a lady, I was happy etc ad one day finds se cheated et etc devastated, she left me with a huge amount of debt and I have no idea where I needed to start. Also the way your feeling now as u say not feelin worthy of something or someone, wanting to just end the pain the terror the heart ache. Even down to not enjoying or even not wanting sex (doesn't do much for me at all no orgasms etc)
All I can say is thing will get better be honest with yourself your partner, if yor not happy and don't think you will be happy with this lady then admit it to yourself and walk away before there is more heart ache not just for you but her too. Seems like you need some time out from everything to find you again..... I'm still doin the findin who I am again as life just doesnt seem to be enough anymore if that makes sense.......... The sooner you can have a serious chat with yourself about what you really want out of life about who you want to be about if your going to stand strong again and become the person you once was. You don't sound like a weak lady to me by any means just someone who has been hurt needs to know there is a place in this world for you we only get one shot at this life and at the end of it do you want to be happy? Do you want to be strong? If so fight for what you deserve :) it can get better and I would love nothing more but to just wave a magic wand and put what is so wrong in this world where people think it is good to to crush someone to make them feel worthless to make them feel weak to play the mind games etc
Really you need to do things one step at a time hun find out what you want, need to be happy again
Hope this helps and I have not waffled on! Lol
Here if you need to talk :) xx
let me just say first off.. i'm sorry for what you have been through...((HUG)) the next thing i'd like to say is to please cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself for anything that you think is your fault... and you did not let your dad down that you lost the house. basically you put all your trust in someone and they pulled the rug out from under you.. and that just is not your fault.
i've been through some difficult times myself, and it wasn't until i went though some workshops that taught me how to be present, to know who my true self was that i started to come out of it. i remember whenever i had any down time i would sit with my head on the table regretting the past, worrying about the future, hating my life and not even knowing HOW to live in the present.... i was worrying and wishing my life away. basically...i learned (but still not perfected) the act of living in the present moment... stopping to smell the roses so to speak... taking things one thing at a time, improving on my life but not that it felt overwhelming...just one thing at a time, one step at a time... before i knew it..things started to fall into place, decisions presented themself to me without me even hardly thinking about it...today i am in a much better place in my life and i am grateful for the steps i took to get there....i don't mean to make this about me .. it is about you, but sharing my experiences with you and how it worked for me i hope will help.. sometimes when you look at them in the BIG picture can seem very overwhelming breaking it down helps.
Forgive yourself, be kind to yourself...and most of all trust in your feelings... don't pressure yourself so much that you need to have it all figured out all at once because that is impossible. one step at a time one day at a time.. keep your head up and know that you are a beautiful and wonderful person and that where you are right now in your life is just temporary. sometimes it helps when i am going through hard times to look at how and what this is teaching me and to be aware of what and where the universe is pointing me to.... i hope this helps, most of all do not feel helpless..nothing is helpless..and you can't be happy with someone else unless your happy with yourself, sometimes we just need to work on that first.
Sometimes living with the consequences of our decisions and choices can be a bit overwhelming, but we can get through it and find peace and joy on the other side.
Your old life is over, you are no longer "that" wife and stepmom, and once you have finished grieving, and have healed from the betrayal and the losses who knows what doors may open for you.
Your experience with drug addiction may become a way for you to help others beat that same kind of problem. You may be able to help others that are going through the aftermath of infedility, and are rebuilding their lives. You never know what is waiting just around the corner, waiting for you to be ready for it. Your new life.
I have followed your posts since you first joined, and I think that you deserve so much more than your ex was, and so much better than the callous way she disregarded your feelings, and the lack of financial responsibility she took regarding the mortgage on your home.
I hope that very soon you start seeing and embracing all of your unique, wonderful qualities, and realize that you are indeed deserving of every good thing.
Big Hugs, and Welcome Back.
Ok, with that *hug* *hug* *HUG* Sounds like many things have been forced upon you. When you don't have much control over what happens to yourself, you can get overwhelmed. It is okay to be vulnerable, and it appears you have a partner who cares about you. I encourage you to lean on her for support, while taking time to heal. She obviously is there for you, and will be.
As for moving into "her" house, I know how hard that is to leave a childhood home. I live in the same house I grew up in also, and some member of my family has lived her for over 100 years. It will be hard to find some place that has that "homey" feeling. However, perhaps you can take a minute to create a refreshed space in your partners house. Perhaps plan together to redecorate a room or two: fresh coat of paint, new curtains, a comfy chair or couch. Something you both can create together as part of your life together. This will also give yourself time to think about other things.
I hope time is kind to you, and that your are able to breathe easier soon.