Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Back in July, I met the sweetest girl imaginable, the most beautiful girl (inside and out) that I have ever been with. She has also loved me better than anyone I have ever been with, and she claims the same of me. I have never experienced more eerie coincidences with and about someone, and neither has she where we are concerned. So a little perspective would be appreciated because there is one aspect I simply do not understand...
She tells me that I have been the happiest spot of her entire life, that I'm the kindest person she has ever met, that I am the best lover she's had, that she honors me so much that if she were dying she'd ask for me to be with her ahead of her own family, etc...and that doesn't even break the surface...the things she says to me are incredible...and then she tells me "but I have a gut feeling that we will not get married so it seems unfair to hang on even though I want to." Isn't it hard to tell the future anyway? Does anyone truly know? Yet it's one thing to already predetermine an end. I don't think I have heard/seen anything like it, so if anyone has, I'd love to hear your story and perspective.
She tells me that I have been the happiest spot of her entire life, that I'm the kindest person she has ever met, that I am the best lover she's had, that she honors me so much that if she were dying she'd ask for me to be with her ahead of her own family, etc...and that doesn't even break the surface...the things she says to me are incredible...and then she tells me "but I have a gut feeling that we will not get married so it seems unfair to hang on even though I want to." Isn't it hard to tell the future anyway? Does anyone truly know? Yet it's one thing to already predetermine an end. I don't think I have heard/seen anything like it, so if anyone has, I'd love to hear your story and perspective.
The thing is, do you know why she says that you two might not get married? Does she secretly have a fear of marriage that maybe she has not told you about? Perhaps she does not believe in marriage personally but knows you might want marriage? It just does not make sense to me.
The girl I am with now is somewhat similar. Her and I have had so many things come together that is new for us. It seems like our coming together and loving one another is something more than just chance, and I have never loved another person like her. There have been times where she has told me that she fears she might be holding me back...because she knows I want to be married, but she is still going through a divorce. Marriage scares her now, and she is not sure it is something she will ever want to go through again for fear of failing. Because of this, she asked me if I still wanted to be with her, but I assured her that I did. I just want a forever-thing, and marriage is only a slip of paper. As long as her and I stayed together and grew old together, marriage would not be that big of a thing.
Same thing goes with children. She is very iffy about donors and such. She thought there was a way her and I could make a child together, but it turns out what she thought was a real thing was still just research that was no available to the public. This discouraged her to the point where she said she might not carry children, and she knows I want a family. I told her I would just carry and would have to get pregnant twice, but because she was so upset she said that I might want to think about whether or not we should be together since she is so picky about how she wants children.
Again, it was just a matter of me reassuring her that we would work it out when we got to that point because I love her very much and think that at this point in my life, she truly is the only one for me.
So, just talk to her...ask her why she thinks the way she does, reassure her on your guy's love, especially if you think it is so uniquely true. If she is that special to you, fight for what you want! That's all you really can do...and just make things work as long as you can.