I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half. The relationship is very complicated for many reasons. For starters we met a few weeks after my 7 year relationship with my sons father ended. She is also first woman I have ever dated. I am still half way in the closet. Most of my friends and less than a handful of my family members know about the relationship. There are many restrictions of our relationship. The main causes of these restrictions are that my sons father suspects I am in a lesbian relationship and doesnt want her anywhere near our son. Although he was the primary person who wanted to our relationship. He blames her for me not giving him a second chance. At first I was complacent with not having her around my son because he made me feel guilty. I have somewhat gotten over it and will do a fun outing with my girlfriend and my son about once a month. My son loves spending time with her and has no idea we are a couple. But when he mentions anything about such an outing to his father it always leads to an argument. Another complication is that my sons father still has keys to the apartment we shared. He visits our son twice a week and has been to the apartment with my son without me being there. I feel that although I pay all the bills this isnt my space. I would never be able to bring my girlfriend because I know my sons father will get very angry and I fear violence. To add further to my situation my relationship with my mother has been turbulent because she also suspects about my relationship and will passive aggressively make comments about her children disappointing her, being a cause of embarrassment etc. Her comments have led me to feel I will never be able to come out of the closet to my family.

Now between my work schedule, limited child care and restrictions on having my son around my girlfriend I am left with Saturday afternoon as the only day we get to spend quality alone time. We do however, talk on the phone throughout the whole day, as well as face time and met up after work for a quick hello 2 to 3 times a week. While I wish I had no restrictions I am somewhat okay with the way things are because I feel stuck and as if things cant change until I move out what was the family apartment. I am saving as much as I can to make this a reality. I know this isnt an automatic fix but it will make me feel more independent. However, my girlfriend is getting increasingly frustrated with not being able to see me as much as she would like or feeling as if she is only in certain parts of my life. She wishes she could go to my apartment, hang out with my son and I without any restrictions. We are constantly arguing to the point that if I plan something with a friend she makes me feel guilty for not devoting that time to her. She also makes me feel guilty if I want to go to a bar and socialize with her because she would much rather us have alone time. I just feel as if everyone but me has control over my life and dont know what to do or how to move forward.