vanilla,

I believe it does exist, there are people out there, who have been married for 50 years, and love their partner despite all the trials and tribulations they've encountered.

I think one of the reasons many lesbians don't see it is because it is essential for both people to truly love one another. Not lust, not euphoria, but deep unconditional love. That said, unconditional love does not mean you have no boundaries, it does not mean you like being abused. People have a tendency to believe unconditional love means you don't get pissed off by anything the person does, that you aren't bothered when they hurt you. It merely means, that you love them, DESPITE, these things.

The best example of unconditional love of course, is dogs. No matter how you treat them, they still wag their tail at you. They still snuggle up to you.

My first partner is my example of unconditional love. When i left her, i was still in love with her. and still feel love for her to this day, despite the fact i felt i had to leave. But she and I were friends first, and hung out for a year or more before finally confessing our feelings for one another. What we felt was true love...after 15 years we still made love 2 or 3 times a week, we still worked side by side. We had our fights, but we still loved each other.

Not many lesbians have really good role models for what love is, and so convince themselves if they are sexually attracted to someone, that means they are in love. Nothing could be further from truth though. One is controlled by hour heart, the other our loins.

Just a thought...

Rather than saying unconditional love, I think it is more correct to say, constant love. A love that is based on trust and yes, sometimes to love the other in spite of themselves! Love also means two people allowing each other space to develop their own individual selves. Each should attain completeness in themselves, there is no such thing as your other half! You should be two people sharing the same life path, joyfully. Sharing, but not requiring that the other become a mirror image of you. Loving without expecting perfection, recognising faults but making allowences for them, as you expect similar space for your own failings. Love evolves from being a firework display to becoming a steady reliable state of being - a haven, a contentment. I had 45 years of such a love, and can continue today, not without grief, but knowing that I am complete in myself - able to continue until I am allowed to join my partner and continue the spiritual journey with her.

Thank you for all your insightful replies, I guess in some ways I was confused. I think breb, that was what I was looking for to describe unconditional love. To be able to love someone despite all their fallings and also able to give allowances for them to make their own mistakes and be beautifully imperfect.

But I ask, how much allowance does one give in the area of unconditional love? Is having reasonable expectations still considered unconditionally loving a person? The reason why I ask this is because I felt unjustly accused of being a calculative bitch by my ex. So much so that I am doubting myself.

Ladies who know my relationship background would know that I have made plenty of compromises having been with a mentally ill ex gf. All I expected from her at the end of the day was some show of love which led me to doubt that she even loved me in the first place. She did do things for me like got me a rather good job which well didn't require much effort on her part.

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

GAWD i hate when it does that!

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

GAWD i hate when it does that!

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.

GAWD i hate when it does that!

vanilla,

I can only give you my opinion about some of this stuff. If i understand your question correctly, you are asking if having reasonable expectations is part of unconditional love. I would say yes it is. Expectations are not part of the unconditional love. It speaks of your hopes and dreams, your own desires. What you are looking for from a partner.

I have expectations that my future partner will meet me half way in the relationship. If it does'nt happen, it doesnt mean I dont love her or i do. It means she either meets one of my desires or not. Sometimes I think people believe that unconditional love means, "You love me no matter what I do..' and so they believe they can act as nasty, selfish, mean, or immature as they want and their partner will still love them, or at the least, has to put up with these behaviors.

Unconditional love, unless given by a dog, comes from true love. The other person can do some really heinous things, and you still love them, despite not liking, agreeing, or condoning their behavior. But I think it would be a mistake to mistake conditions required to live in harmony, with unconditional love.