Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hello sisters, what should I do/ what have I done. My spouse can no longer be a participant in life. She is very ill, MS, Active Lyme Disease of the Brain and now Alzheimer's. She has been ill since 2005, going further and further away mentally. I recently had a friend come for a visit. We were close before she came. We crossed the line, I am in love with her, and she with me. She has expectations that I will put my spouse in a nursing home. I will not, and can not. She has done nothing wrong. She just has become ill. She is not a throw away, but someone to be loved and cared for. Today I am really struggling with being lonely and needing to vent. I don't think it is fair that I can't give my whole self to her, she should go to someone who can make her whole. I will continue to remain here doing my 24/7 care giving role. What do you guys think I should do. I know that I have committed a terrible wrong. But, my partner and love are no longer present here with me.
Thanks,
Altheia
T
Thanks,
Altheia
T
It sounds to me like you have been completely committed to your spouse in every way. Now, your relationship with your spouse has changed. The most important commitment you can give your spouse is loving her and making sure she has the care she needs. You are obviously doing that. If at any time you cannot provide that care, I hope you will love her enough to let others help you, whether in your home or in an excellent skilled nursing facility where you can still spend a lot of quality time with her.
Personally, in your friends's shoes I would see your commitment to care for your spouse as a quality to be treasured, not questioned. I hope your friend can understand that for the time being this is your situation and she must be willing to make compromises.
Peace