Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I was deliberating on whether I should even post this up for fear of being clobbered in the head for sounded downright stupid. I just need some voices of reason.
So what's been happening lately is that I just got out of a 2 year r/s that was really really tumultuous and all sorts of crazy with this girl called Winnie. I've been pretty much trying to steer myself away from the post break up depression by exercising and pretty much putting myself back to how I was when I was single. And I was starting to get good at it....that was until another ex of mine reappeared in my life. Her name is Lauren.
I met Lauren about 3 years ago, she was this insanely fun alternative girl (think tattoos and piercings). I fell head over heels instantly but I was also afraid that I was too vanilla for her so I tried to live my life like hers, trying to impress her. Me and Lauren never really addressed this issue until recently when I met up with her and we started to talk about what happened. I was too afraid to raise my own voice to live for myself and she eventually became interested in other people and left me. In some ways she told me she regretted it.
Throughout the conversation I had with Lauren, she kept emphasizing on how I was the only girl that never gave her any problems and that the last guy she broke up with recently reminded her of me. I could also see how the last 3 years really changed her, she was more responsible and while she's still the girl who knows how to rock and roll she intimidates me less now.
We've both been hanging out a bit lately, since both of us are reeling from our own break ups but then there is this tension between us as well. I know for a fact that I still love Lauren despite how we ended things the last time. Even though Winnie broke my heart and I know I am in a vulnerable position, I know with all the clarity in my mind that I still love Lauren. Trouble is I'm afraid that if I pursue this maybe to Lauren I am just a rebound. My friends are advising me to take it slow which I have been. I just don't know if I should hang on to the hope that I might have a chance with Lauren again.
So what's been happening lately is that I just got out of a 2 year r/s that was really really tumultuous and all sorts of crazy with this girl called Winnie. I've been pretty much trying to steer myself away from the post break up depression by exercising and pretty much putting myself back to how I was when I was single. And I was starting to get good at it....that was until another ex of mine reappeared in my life. Her name is Lauren.
I met Lauren about 3 years ago, she was this insanely fun alternative girl (think tattoos and piercings). I fell head over heels instantly but I was also afraid that I was too vanilla for her so I tried to live my life like hers, trying to impress her. Me and Lauren never really addressed this issue until recently when I met up with her and we started to talk about what happened. I was too afraid to raise my own voice to live for myself and she eventually became interested in other people and left me. In some ways she told me she regretted it.
Throughout the conversation I had with Lauren, she kept emphasizing on how I was the only girl that never gave her any problems and that the last guy she broke up with recently reminded her of me. I could also see how the last 3 years really changed her, she was more responsible and while she's still the girl who knows how to rock and roll she intimidates me less now.
We've both been hanging out a bit lately, since both of us are reeling from our own break ups but then there is this tension between us as well. I know for a fact that I still love Lauren despite how we ended things the last time. Even though Winnie broke my heart and I know I am in a vulnerable position, I know with all the clarity in my mind that I still love Lauren. Trouble is I'm afraid that if I pursue this maybe to Lauren I am just a rebound. My friends are advising me to take it slow which I have been. I just don't know if I should hang on to the hope that I might have a chance with Lauren again.
ALright, you wanted a smack upside the head I can do that *Twack*...lol
The truth is, you two are ex's for a reason, it didn't work, period end of story. By opening the book and reading it again, doesn't make for a different ending, its not going to change. If you start going out with her again, you will feel the same intimidation you have in the past, despite not feeling it now.
More importantly, you are BOTH on the rebound, there can't be a worse time in your life to make decisions about intimate partners. I promise you, chances of waking up a year from now and asking, "WTF was I thinking?" will be very, very high.
Be friends with one another, it sounds like she doesn't like to be alone, going from one to another. That is NOT what you want a relationship predicated on, believe me. I can't think of a more shifting foundation than being in a partnership because they dont like to be alone.
Its time for you to grow, you still have not processed the last relationship, its okay to be alone. I know younger people are fairly uncomfortable being alone for a time. Trust me, with time you will enjoy it, value it, and think better about relenquishing it in the future. Processing another relationship and growth are best done when not in another intimate relationship.
You can go ahead and dive into the past, but think before you do. Most people want to move ahead, grow up, become wiser, and more self caring. By jumping into your past, you are just going backwards. The choice is yours....
Remember sister,....we love many, in many, many different ways,..but not everyone is meant to be our partner. Keep this horsie on a really slow trot and really, really look at what that 'love' you feel means. Friendship? Hope? A Re-Do? Validation? Lust?...or a very unique, true, caring, mature, compatible partnership.
Good luck!!! (Hug)
Be good to yourself and trat yourself the way you want to be treated and you will find that the right type of people are attracted to you. Then you will find someone who is really into you for who you are and knows that you expect the same things from them that you do from yourself. Date yourself for a while. I know that sounds funny but it is a good way to get over a breakup and to think clearly again. Take yourself out to eat and to the movies and shopping and stuff. Have a good time spending time with you.
Read, pamper yourself and do some things just for you because you love yourself and think that you are a pretty cool person to hang out with. People that can be selfsufficent are much more attractive than people that can't stand to be in their own company for any length of time. Buy yourself some flowers and put them in your room. Look at them and remind yourself that you are a beautiful person and that you deserve flowers don't wait for someone else to buy them for you.Be confident in yourself and just see what happens. You just might meet the person of your dreams when you are least expecting it.
@barbarame You can hit me anytime with your lace hanky lol
Yes yes I am taking it slow, its been fun doing all the things I used to do before I was attached. I am trying to make my own life, with my own terms and being happy.
I won't deny the fact that my attraction with Lauren then and now is still as explosive as ever, but we've grown as adults so while I do hope for my happy ever after, I'm trying to hold back until I am sure.