you have to take a step back and see what she Is dealing with. with that being said don't allow your self to be misrible over it if she cant take your feelings seriously you need to move on that's almost abusive in a way.

I personally think that sex is vital in a relationship. Without it, you're basically just roommates and business partners. I also believe that there are two ways to break a commitment. When you decide to commit to someone you are committing to be loyal, to be monogamous (if that is the understanding between you two) and to be committed to being sexual partners as well as life partners. Whether someone cheats on you, stops being a partner in life, or stops have sex with you, the commitment is broken.

This is only my opinion on the matter, but it is equally deceitful to make someone believe in the beginning that they are sexually attracted to you and a sexual person and then bait and switch.

However, that being said, depression can kill sex drive and there may be harmonal issues going on that she needs to address, but if she is unwilling to address them, then that is a very serious commitment betrayal in my opinion.

Good luck with this and I hope she gets some help and you guys can repair this.

Thank you for your replyes.

Things have actually goten worse, even if she finnally went to therapist. Now she is worried for some kind if mystical reasons that the biological father of my daughter will show up and we will lose our children just because we live in one of the most homifobic countries. And now she refuses any contact in public. But I think, she is just making it up, because we both have been out for a long time of our lives and now we suddenly have to act like aquitances? I don' t get it and it hurts.

If we would not have children, and if I would not still love her actually, I would have left.

I have talked to her best friends to see if there is something going on that I do not know. Thay said, that she is not fair to me, because, growing up in broken home, she does not know how to show love to other people, but that she has said that she loves me, she just shows it differently than I have used to.

I really hope that we have future, because I do not want that everything just ends in so stupid way.

For the first 5 years of my relationship with my ex, I tried everything to get her attention. Most of the time, to no avail.

My story is a little different than yours though.

Some nights she would want to make out and take control, getting all hot and heavy with me. Out of nowhere. I would be so turned on, and I felt like she finally wanted me after a dry spell of months without being close.... i could feel my heartbeat all over my body. I felt my body want her so badly. Only for her to tell me that it was time to go to bed. she would roll over and pass out almost instantly. That was so painful. physically, mentally, emotionally.

Luckily we didn't have kids together. but it was still tough. because I would have to get to the point of begging when I NEEDED it, which was about once every 3 months.

It wasn't until a couple years ago we found out she was asexual. from there, shes gotten really defensive about it and has called me a whore more than once. (because I want it more than once every 3 months when I get to the point of really needing to be close.)

And I know what you mean, I need sex like... at least once a week. Or being close to the person. I don't even NEED to orgasm. I just want to be touched and felt and close. and I want HER. It's not like im wanting sex with everything that moves. I want to be close to HER. Sex is just a deeper way to feel close to someone.

She has aroused me then just dropped me like that multiple times. I learned to shut myself off. It was painful as well. cause the more she touched me, the more I knew it was all fake and she was going to drop me any second. and she always did.

However, The last straw was when she started to become all hot and heavy. and before she never use to say anything. she would just kiss on me and feel me up. if it was with any one who was normal, I would be so happy and content and love it..... but not her, I learned I couldn't trust her. But this time.... This time as I said was different. She started to say things like "I want you, I want to be in you, I want to feel you, I want to make you shiver. I want to make you cum."......so... you figure, she wants sex right? And it had been awhile since we did anything. and I feel that even the basic human needs sex every once in a blue moon, so maybe, she gets horney once a year. So, My idiot self decides to let her take control of me. Same thing happens, I get aroused and worked up. and then she stops. THEN she says "Well.... I didn't want to have sex. I NEVER want to have sex."

.....but... you literally just said you wanted to do those things to me.... those things are sex... that is what it is. and we haven't been close in so long.... you initiated it! I wasn't even asking for it. I thought you finally wanted me for once.

So I couldn't stand it anymore. I broke up with her. She's nothing but a tease. and its not healthy to shut myself off whenever she wants to get touchy, only for her to tease me and leave me. I had to deal with that for 7 years cause the first 5, I didn't know, I just thought I was doing something wrong. or our circumstances never matched up. so I waited. then we learned she was asexual.... but then she kept calling me a whore... but then she kept wanting to take control then drop me..... and call me a whore all the while. I just couldn't do it anymore.

I could understand if i initiated, and she didn't want to do anything. I could understand that, if she wanted to cuddle and simply be close and watch a show or just relax together and not go further, I can understand, not wanting sex. And I respect that. but for her to initiate things, to get me SO aroused that I literally felt my vagina pulse, SO MANY times that I HAD to LEARN to turn OFF my body.... just for her to pass out. For her to call me a whore when I have been nothing but faithful and understanding to her circumstances, that is nothing but cruel.

I totally relate to this post. My wife is the same way. I guess what bothers me more is that I know she has always been an active sexual person. She says its just her and she doesnt know what is wrong. But also blames her depression. She has a rocky past when it come to committing to our relationship in the past. so part of me believe that she is cheating and im just the idiot who is blinded by love yet again.

so glad i found this site man, truly needed!

BeautifulDesasater,

Your needs are valid and equal to hers! The others already said everything I have in mind in much better ways. Like Limbo said, commitment goes both ways, and this is serious. It could be that she's dealing with something that's effecting her sex drive level. I used to be horny and had to relief myself with pornsite every other day, then it was every week, but by now my depression and the weening off of it has gotten me to doing nothing for months at a time. So it could be she's dealing with depression or something? Your situation is really tough with children involved... and I have no useful experience or advice for that, unfortunately. I really hope you find a solution, because my partner also has really low sex drive, and while we're long distance now, I sometimes worry what would happen down the road.

I know the post is old, but if someone is in similar situation, I highly recommend using https://iyoni.app particulary their section for couples to notify your partner about your wishes, etc. They designed the app's module for couples to get better relations. From what I know only iyoni offers this feature, and then you will situations that go your crazy and asking questions what else I can do. Hope this helps.