Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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Relationship change

caitken5420
caitken5420
I have recently come out after a 26 year marriage and I am with a woman who doesn't claim to be a lesbian and is ten years older than me. Intimacy as many face after 50 has become nil. I am frustrated and I am wondering. She says it is her age. I don't know if there are others who struggle with intimacy after 50? Is this normal?
rainbowstars
rainbowstars
It could well be the age but it can also be ones "sex drive".
Element02
Element02
Is she going through menopause or is she nearing that stage? Unfortunately, during menopause, estrogen levels drops which decreases sex drive. Also, the vagina does not produce as much fluid making sex very uncomfortable even when you have the urge to do so...and it would require a lot of lube. So, not only is it hard for her to get in the mood if she is at that point, but her discomfort down there would make that an issue as well. Naturally there are hormone therapy pills that might help. There is a pill called "Addyi" that just got approved by the FDA for women to increase their sex drive, but that is something you might want to bring up with her.

Please note that you just came out, and she does not even identify as a lesbian (according to your post). Maybe she is only more 'emotionally' connected to women but can't get too physical with a woman. While you might be new to this, know that you have to make sure you are on the same page as the other person...you have to have the same niches and agree on what you both like as far as intimacy might go. If you're just testing the waters, make sure she isn't...you might want someone more experienced who actually knows what they like and are into, especially since you came out much later in life.