Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Well anyone here whose been reading my posts would know in the past months I had a difficult time struggling with my relationship with a mentally ill girl.
So at the grand finale when my ex revealed to me 2 weeks ago the reason why she has decided to end this did not shock me. I knew for some time she had fallen out of love with me and perhaps that was the reason why she was constantly frustrated with me.
What really hit me was that despite all the efforts I made to make things work it came to this sad end. I know life is unfair and I am trying to accept things as they are, I did say some nasty things to her even made threats which I shouldn't have. The funny thing is the next day after our break up I went to work and saw her (we work in the same office) and I felt weirdly ok. I don't know if this is some kind of denial or what?
I am also very blessed with supportive friends who immediately swooped me over to their city (Kuala Lumpur) for a quick weekend vacay when they heard the news. However now that things are quiet with zero drama, I feel odd, like I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know is it because I spent years struggling to support my ex and enduring her abuse now that I'm free I've forgotten about what's it like to do things my way?
I see her at work and I feel generally ok, we have a friendly disposition towards each other but we still keep our distance outside work. I feel a lot less stressed now that I don't have to deal with her drunk episodes but I feel hurt whenever my mind wanders off like 'which poor soul is she with tonight' or 'why couldn't all the love in the world I had for her save her from herself?'
Ok I guess I am rambling here, just needed ears. Thanks for reading any kind words of advice would be most appreciated!
So at the grand finale when my ex revealed to me 2 weeks ago the reason why she has decided to end this did not shock me. I knew for some time she had fallen out of love with me and perhaps that was the reason why she was constantly frustrated with me.
What really hit me was that despite all the efforts I made to make things work it came to this sad end. I know life is unfair and I am trying to accept things as they are, I did say some nasty things to her even made threats which I shouldn't have. The funny thing is the next day after our break up I went to work and saw her (we work in the same office) and I felt weirdly ok. I don't know if this is some kind of denial or what?
I am also very blessed with supportive friends who immediately swooped me over to their city (Kuala Lumpur) for a quick weekend vacay when they heard the news. However now that things are quiet with zero drama, I feel odd, like I don't know what to do with myself. I don't know is it because I spent years struggling to support my ex and enduring her abuse now that I'm free I've forgotten about what's it like to do things my way?
I see her at work and I feel generally ok, we have a friendly disposition towards each other but we still keep our distance outside work. I feel a lot less stressed now that I don't have to deal with her drunk episodes but I feel hurt whenever my mind wanders off like 'which poor soul is she with tonight' or 'why couldn't all the love in the world I had for her save her from herself?'
Ok I guess I am rambling here, just needed ears. Thanks for reading any kind words of advice would be most appreciated!
This is what is called acceptance through reflection, seeing the reality of how it was - Today, and (cringe) learning that you gave yourself up for a love outside yourself. Self love is truly the Only Love you can count on that will bring you a matching, true love from the outside world. (hug)
The road is long and hard when we realize once our lover is gone, we have nothing left of ourselves to bring us joy. Its also hard when at the same time we are creating scenario's in our head about what they are doing now that we're gone.
You will have to go through grief,..as sucky as it is,..you owe it to yourself to go through all the phases. But, there will come a time that you will have to practice self-discipline.
Calling up your own self-discipline will require that you begin to reprimand yourself for going backwards, beating your heart up, wishing and wanting what cannot be, imagining things,..hoping for things, - avoiding reality,...etc. Self Discipline comes from self love, seeing and acknowledging reality, and making the choice to move forward because 'the present..sucks.' If it hurts...stop doing it to yourself (hug)
It's totally up to you cutie.
((sending you clarity and strength))
Yeah I'm now dealing with the 'scenarios in my head' situation and I'm cursed with a wonderful imagination....not exactly the best place to be. However I am trying to fill up my time with things I love to do before I met her. I know I will be fine eventually but I hope she'll be fine eventually too, I hate seeing her lose herself to alcohol.
Btw off topic I really admire your strength after having read one of your entries on moving on from that 'epically' terrible situation you had. Am really glad to hear your wise words on DS. :)
I'm guessing what you're feeling is similar to when someone has worn a ball & chain, when it comes off there is a sense of relief, but at the same time, it feels just a bit odd, like youre overwalking, or pulling your leg too hard.
I'm hoping you don't get involved with someone who has a love of alcohol. You will never win the bottle battle, with her or anyone else who is in love with it.
Ms Teri is correct when she said you would be going through grief steps. It is just like a loss of life, and actually it is a loss of life, no matter how disturbed that life may have been. Good luck to you.
My significant other and I have broken up several times over the course of our relationship. It was always because of small things, and of course, we always came running back to each other because we knew we had been stupid.
But...when she finally went military, and I was at home alone...that's when I started feeling like you do now. I did not know what to do with myself anymore. Here for the past 2 years I had been fighting to make our relationship work and scheduling myself around her to get love and affection...now that she was gone, I did not know how to really live anymore.
I had never gone out with friends because she did not like the nerdy things my friends did. I had never gone to any clubs because by the time I turned 21 she was about to leave and so I was spending every waking moment cuddled up to her...
...I hadnt really touched my video games in a very long time because the SO is not a huge gamer.
There was just so much I suddenly had the freedom of doing, but I did not want to...I did not have the desire to...and it was weird.
I began experimenting with different things, ended up addicted to strip clubs for awhile, it was a nasty, nasty process...but, eventually, you will find your groove. You will get into a system again that makes you happy, and puts you in a 'normal' state of mind. Just give it time and move at your own pace. It gets better.