Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Hi you guys, this is going to be kinda huge, but I never felt this awful in my entire life. If you take the time to read and respond I would be forever grateful :)
Soooo, when I was 14 I fell in love with my best friend and then when I finally told her, she said she wasn't into girls (like I already knew) and I tried to recycle my feelings and move on. And I did, I started dating another girl after a few months and I was really happy for a couple of months. I was with her for a year and then I broke it off because I realized I didn't love her and I couldn't lie to myself or her.
Everything was great because I moved from Portugal to London to study and even though my ex is still really attached I could somehow deal with that and I was moving on, just on my own way you know?
But then, my best friend told me she started dating, almost for a month now .. I felt sooooo freaking bad at the time, but actually, it helped to move on. I was moving on so fast I couldn't believe myself. Finally, after all this time, I could feel I could be over her someday in a near future.
My birthday is at 26 of October, so I came to Portugal to see my family and friends. On the 25th I went out with my friends to watch a musical, have dinner and then maybe go to "pirex" which is a theme at gay bar (I know my friends from musical theatre class and even though most of them aren't gay, we all love that club. Anyway, I ended up going with my best friend there because anyone else could.
I was great, we danced like mad, and drank a bit as well .. At a certain point I had to go to the bathroom for the fifth time that night. After that I sat down because my head was spinning and I felt dizzy. She sat right next to me .. I know I was completely zen, I just let my head down and closed my eyes for a few minutes and she stood there. After while, she started shaking me a bit and then raised my head and pulled my hair back and kissed my forehead and then my cheek and then the of my lips, I didn't react, I just felt it and I couldn't react. But then she did all of that again, ending up kissing me in the lips. I opened my always and looked at her, we were cheek to cheek, touching our noses and I could feel her breath against my lips .. And then, she kiss me, she just did it right there. After telling me how she wasn't into girls, how she wasn't into me, after having her first boyfriend, after all we've been through, after what I'VE BEEN THROUGH to forget her !! She did it .. And we kissed, for the first time I held her and kiss her, and she was kissing me back. And all of the sudden, all of that hit me. I just stopped, looking at her at and ran, right through the dance floor and sat outside just devastated about that happened .. She was drunk I was drunk but I could still be very aware of what was happening. And then she sat, right beside me and we talked for a few minutes and she touched my arm and pulled her away saying "this can't happen" and she got up and went inside. I followed her and found her near a wall really close to crying. So I held her, I didn't want her to be like that and slowly turned and our lips met again. Our lips met for an entire hour, maybe more. She had her arms around me and whenever I got a little bit "far from her", she would hold me tighter. Sometimes, I just wanted to look at her, just to see if it was actually true, if I wasn't dreaming and there she was smiling at me and kissing me again. I could feel her shivers every time I'd kiss her neck or every time I whispered something in her hear or whenever I'd nibble her ears. I could feel everything and I know she could as well.
When we got out of the disco and were waiting for my dad, she told me "I can't to this, how will I look your ex in the eye?" (they're really good friends and my ex always believe I was still in love with me best friend and well, that she could love me back, but we both said that that was absurd). And basically we went our own paths that night, probably with our hearts broken.
The other day, I texted her hoping for us to meet, so we could talk. She basically said she was sorry for what happened that she felt like the worse person on earth and that she was sorry but she didn't feel anything, and that it was a huge mistake, because it meant nothing .. Well, I'm broken, I feel completely destroyed. I don't know what to think, what to do, what do, what to .. I just don't know anything.
Please please guys, just say something. What do you think, what do you feel about this. What should I do? What should I say? How do I deal with this? I'm so devastated, I'm so lost .. Please. I really need to talk about this, I need to figure this out. Please, I really. I really need guidance. Send me a message if you can. Please, I need desperately to talk and figure this out.
Thank you for reading and maybe responding ..
Soooo, when I was 14 I fell in love with my best friend and then when I finally told her, she said she wasn't into girls (like I already knew) and I tried to recycle my feelings and move on. And I did, I started dating another girl after a few months and I was really happy for a couple of months. I was with her for a year and then I broke it off because I realized I didn't love her and I couldn't lie to myself or her.
Everything was great because I moved from Portugal to London to study and even though my ex is still really attached I could somehow deal with that and I was moving on, just on my own way you know?
But then, my best friend told me she started dating, almost for a month now .. I felt sooooo freaking bad at the time, but actually, it helped to move on. I was moving on so fast I couldn't believe myself. Finally, after all this time, I could feel I could be over her someday in a near future.
My birthday is at 26 of October, so I came to Portugal to see my family and friends. On the 25th I went out with my friends to watch a musical, have dinner and then maybe go to "pirex" which is a theme at gay bar (I know my friends from musical theatre class and even though most of them aren't gay, we all love that club. Anyway, I ended up going with my best friend there because anyone else could.
I was great, we danced like mad, and drank a bit as well .. At a certain point I had to go to the bathroom for the fifth time that night. After that I sat down because my head was spinning and I felt dizzy. She sat right next to me .. I know I was completely zen, I just let my head down and closed my eyes for a few minutes and she stood there. After while, she started shaking me a bit and then raised my head and pulled my hair back and kissed my forehead and then my cheek and then the of my lips, I didn't react, I just felt it and I couldn't react. But then she did all of that again, ending up kissing me in the lips. I opened my always and looked at her, we were cheek to cheek, touching our noses and I could feel her breath against my lips .. And then, she kiss me, she just did it right there. After telling me how she wasn't into girls, how she wasn't into me, after having her first boyfriend, after all we've been through, after what I'VE BEEN THROUGH to forget her !! She did it .. And we kissed, for the first time I held her and kiss her, and she was kissing me back. And all of the sudden, all of that hit me. I just stopped, looking at her at and ran, right through the dance floor and sat outside just devastated about that happened .. She was drunk I was drunk but I could still be very aware of what was happening. And then she sat, right beside me and we talked for a few minutes and she touched my arm and pulled her away saying "this can't happen" and she got up and went inside. I followed her and found her near a wall really close to crying. So I held her, I didn't want her to be like that and slowly turned and our lips met again. Our lips met for an entire hour, maybe more. She had her arms around me and whenever I got a little bit "far from her", she would hold me tighter. Sometimes, I just wanted to look at her, just to see if it was actually true, if I wasn't dreaming and there she was smiling at me and kissing me again. I could feel her shivers every time I'd kiss her neck or every time I whispered something in her hear or whenever I'd nibble her ears. I could feel everything and I know she could as well.
When we got out of the disco and were waiting for my dad, she told me "I can't to this, how will I look your ex in the eye?" (they're really good friends and my ex always believe I was still in love with me best friend and well, that she could love me back, but we both said that that was absurd). And basically we went our own paths that night, probably with our hearts broken.
The other day, I texted her hoping for us to meet, so we could talk. She basically said she was sorry for what happened that she felt like the worse person on earth and that she was sorry but she didn't feel anything, and that it was a huge mistake, because it meant nothing .. Well, I'm broken, I feel completely destroyed. I don't know what to think, what to do, what do, what to .. I just don't know anything.
Please please guys, just say something. What do you think, what do you feel about this. What should I do? What should I say? How do I deal with this? I'm so devastated, I'm so lost .. Please. I really need to talk about this, I need to figure this out. Please, I really. I really need guidance. Send me a message if you can. Please, I need desperately to talk and figure this out.
Thank you for reading and maybe responding ..
My advise is the same as justfrank. Be very gentle with yourself and give yourself time to grieve. Know that this is the worst heartache that you will ever experience. I also strongly advise you to distance yourself from her. Love yourself enough to walk away from her and show her that she can't use you like that any more.