Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
Les challenges, This dating thing sure is a CHALLENGE! i like a good challenge but this is rediculous..Im fairly new to dating in general and to date wemon? well, im overwhelmed with it.I mean theres ones who dont know what they want, ones who are 50 yrs old but immature, then theres the liars, players...Not to mention butch or femme or how much..and the needy, jealous personalities, control freaks and of course the desperate , users, or slutty!..my head is spinning making me re-think about going back to guys (who cant have sex of course)..that thought shows i seriously need lots of help and support in this area...honestly I don't know how the players keep up...I got a taste of it in my blood and can see how much of an ego booster it can be but its not for me...but at the same time am I a player if i date diff wemon? in their eyes I may be and i dont want that. I want something serious but how can i find the 'one' if I dont-date more than one? or at least talk with them?.And although i want s-thing serious and solid I dont want to take the first one i fall for .this last year of dating I see how fast and hard i fall and I dont like or admire that in myself or another woman..the first time I learned it was from being alone for so long-22 yrs that the first one that showed interest in me I moved way too fast and i HATE to be so weak? to settle.....IDK, maybe things will work out on their own, do i need a therapist in this area? and if so how do i find one that is good and knowledgeable ? I can't talk to my BFF cuz she hasn't 'been there' basicly so she can't relate-or so i think , argh!!!!!!!! I have a date this weekend, we hit it off on the phone..or did we? I mean a healthy r-ship is suppose to start out as best friends so could it be my lack of wemon friends and finally having some real fun in my life the reason Im craving the intimacy and all?...i don't expect any answers to my many questions cuz they are more or less questions to myself but I could sure use some replies..thanks for listening either way
By all means, date more than one woman at a time if you have the time, money, and energy. It does not make you a player IMO. I define a player with the descriptors you used in the beginning of your post. To keep from being viewed as a player, Id make sure that the women you date know that youre dating other women in addition to them. I dont think you need to enumerate how many other women youre seeing or who they are, just be clear that youre not currently interested in monogamous dating. If anything, a womans reaction to your disclosure about dating will certainly give you an insight into who she is and where she is. And it will definitely flag for you all of the women with U-Haul Syndrome. And there may be some women who refuse to date you if youre dating other women. So be it.
You said:
I mean a healthy r-ship is suppose to start out as best friends so could it be my lack of wemon friends and finally having some real fun in my life the reason Im craving the intimacy and all?
Id say maybe. But Im not of the opinion that you have to start out as best friends in order to have a healthy relationship. Id say that becoming best friends is one of the benefits of a healthy relationship. You grow into it. And the reason you might be craving intimacy is because youre a normal, red-blooded woman. Just dont confuse intimacy with chemistry. Intimacy is something that develops over time as the bond between you deepens. Theres nothing wrong with dating someone and progressing into having (hopefully great) sex together (that'd be chemistry) but doing so does not necessarily mean you have achieved intimacy. Just let the experience be what it is and dont stress out over it or read more into it than is truly there.
You mentioned counseling I think itd be a great idea, if for no other reason than to bounce some of your questions and concerns off a knowledgeable person who is in the role of being your advisor and advocate.
Hang in there ~ dating is always a bumpy ride. Pay attention to what youre feeling and hold out for Ms. Right - dont settle for Ms. Right Now.
Seriously....dating more than one woman at a time, to me, is fine as long as you are honest with them about it. When I was about 20-21 I dated MANY women at the same time and let each one know what I was doing and that I had no intention of being tied down to any of them. It helped for them all to know, especially when 3 of them are in the same nightclub at the same time...lol....but that's a story for another time ;)
You have to move at your pace. Falling for the first woman who falls for you is a HUGE mistake, unless there is truly some connection for you aside from loneliness, etc.
IDK what else to say, other than be safe, go at the pace you feel comfortable at and have fun!
Mezza rocks, ..as usual. ::waving at my buddy::
I'm 55, and involuntarily back in the single life and plan on simply dating for quite a while. I've been in long term monogamous relationships all my life and I apparently haven't learned a thing! So. I'm going to 'play the field' so to speak.. honestly and openly getting to know all the women who cross my path. Players 'lie' and hold back the truth, so, I won't be a player, but I certainly won't be tied down anytime soon.
There are a lot of games and drama, people of all sexes who are insecure, controlling and jealous ~ but I have complete faith that as I make this journey, I'll find a person who is more like me in every regard, and all the experiences with the negativity will become lessons and memories.
** ^High Five^ **
Let's just have fun and enjoy the adventure!!
And casual dating is definitely the way to go as it gives you the opportunity to really get to know people before making any commitments (any physical intimacies are up to you, but communication and safety are key if having multiple partners as I'm sure you're aware) and see who meets your needs and who falls short, where they fall short and whether or not those short comings are enough to be over looked or not. Dating is always a complicated, difficult process, just as genuinely sharing yourself is exhausting and sometimes hurtful-but the payoff is when you get through all the muck, and you find the person who meets all your needs, sees you for you and vice versa, you're heart will nearly explode with joy:) Promise!
And remember-no matter what you've done or haven't done in life does not change the fact that as human beings we ALL deserve love, safety and happiness:)