Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group
This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.
I am so FAR from perfect. I am pretty clear about my faults, frailties and even baggage! I have never, ever been deduced to so many negative characteristics in such a short amount of time in my life until recently!
I have been told that "I do NOT know how to be a FRIEND" when I have several friends from childhood that I communicate with and see when their lives and mine aren't so busy! I've been told that I "Don't want to be happy" Geez! The last time I checked I'm quite content with a few minor adjustments that need to be made and some grief and loss issues that I need to work on within myself but other than that I feel pretty good and I experience PURE JOY when I am in the presence of AUTHENICITY!
I've been told that "I am not supportive, I'm degrading when I speak, "I am taking potshots, jabs and throwing up one's past in their face" Here I thought I was giving out food for thought perhaps even making suggestions that one might want to consider when it comes to why their lives appears to repeat the same scenario yet with different people. I thought that's what ALL friends did for one another! I thought friends had no problem with bouncing ideas and suggestions off of one another without being ACCUSED of throwing up someone's past in a negative way! Since I don't know how to be a friend I guess I was wrong according to what I learned about ME today! I've been called "Negative" accused of being the cause of one developing HBP, throwing up walls and not letting one in etc.
IF all you wanted was to be SINGLE and not be in a relationship how hard was it to say that without...excuse me if I use your wording, degrading remarks that you made to me today?
I suppose the TIME has come for me to take a GOOD, LONG, LOOK at ME! Perhaps there may be a grain of truth in all the things that I have been accused of. The least I can do for ME is, TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT SELF AND TAKE CARE OF ME!
So, without the risk of SAYING ANYTHING THAT I KNOW WILL BE USED AGAINST ME and here I thought I was a DECENT human being, far from perfect, but at the least decent, I will do what I heard a friend of mine tell me long ago.
I will SAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! From here on out, I have NOTHING to OFFER ANYONE at least until I FIX ALL OF THE FLAWS THAT I've been told that I have that I was unaware of!
At least if I say nothing I won't be ACCUSED of anything! But then again the perception of the RECEIVER is always RIGHT in their mind regardless if it is FACT or in their mind!
TIME to TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!
I have been told that "I do NOT know how to be a FRIEND" when I have several friends from childhood that I communicate with and see when their lives and mine aren't so busy! I've been told that I "Don't want to be happy" Geez! The last time I checked I'm quite content with a few minor adjustments that need to be made and some grief and loss issues that I need to work on within myself but other than that I feel pretty good and I experience PURE JOY when I am in the presence of AUTHENICITY!
I've been told that "I am not supportive, I'm degrading when I speak, "I am taking potshots, jabs and throwing up one's past in their face" Here I thought I was giving out food for thought perhaps even making suggestions that one might want to consider when it comes to why their lives appears to repeat the same scenario yet with different people. I thought that's what ALL friends did for one another! I thought friends had no problem with bouncing ideas and suggestions off of one another without being ACCUSED of throwing up someone's past in a negative way! Since I don't know how to be a friend I guess I was wrong according to what I learned about ME today! I've been called "Negative" accused of being the cause of one developing HBP, throwing up walls and not letting one in etc.
IF all you wanted was to be SINGLE and not be in a relationship how hard was it to say that without...excuse me if I use your wording, degrading remarks that you made to me today?
I suppose the TIME has come for me to take a GOOD, LONG, LOOK at ME! Perhaps there may be a grain of truth in all the things that I have been accused of. The least I can do for ME is, TAKE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT SELF AND TAKE CARE OF ME!
So, without the risk of SAYING ANYTHING THAT I KNOW WILL BE USED AGAINST ME and here I thought I was a DECENT human being, far from perfect, but at the least decent, I will do what I heard a friend of mine tell me long ago.
I will SAY ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! From here on out, I have NOTHING to OFFER ANYONE at least until I FIX ALL OF THE FLAWS THAT I've been told that I have that I was unaware of!
At least if I say nothing I won't be ACCUSED of anything! But then again the perception of the RECEIVER is always RIGHT in their mind regardless if it is FACT or in their mind!
TIME to TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!
Your post made me chuckle a little bit because some of it sounded so much like me! At least "me" from a little while back. Until I learned that despite my pure intentions, most people didn't want to hear my observations/opinions/suggestions about them unless they specifically asked. And even when they ask, while we need to be honest, we also need to be gentle. What I've found is that what friends really want from us is support, loyalty, appreciation, and love.
This lesson seems to have held true for me in my life so just thought i'd share in case you can find anything helpful from my experience.
Best wishes.
This person that I am referring to was my GF! Mind you I don't have the issues that she says that I have in other relationships that have spanded over thirty years!
The difference is we were in a romantic relationship and my friends are just that friends ONLY!
I am very supportive, loyal and a loving person probably to a fault. Right about now I don't have a problem with backing all the way up because in the end my feelings are the one that get hurt with my trying as you stated in your post with "pure intentions".
I am alright with that now because I get what the boundary lines are and I also get that when people ask you what you think they may not necessarily want to KNOW what you really think so less is more!!
I have a few dear, dear friends in my life that get me and I them. WE know how to HOLD space with one another without becoming overly sensitive or defensive. They are the ones that keep me grounded and will tell me the TRUTH at all times and I them.
Thank GOD I know who I AM in the larger scheme of things, good, bad, or indifferent, I know who I am. When I posted this, I was quoting what my GF said about me while she was going through one of her defensive modes! Did it hurt? You bet!
But I am learning as all of us are in life!
Take care!
There is nobody on this earth that can offer us more information about ourselves....than our self. WE chose the message, sister. If what she says and does is more important to you than what your self-love says about you.. then you have a long way to go. And, that's OK.
Consider all options.
Don't blame LOVE when its human actions that F things up.
Be your own woman
Truly SEE what's before you and stop trying to change reality.
(hug)
Good luck