Its my first time on this site so I'm really nervous and have hesitated joining because I thought I could figure it out alone. Two days ago my girlfriend of a year and a half broke up with me. She was not only my first serious relationship but also my first lesbian relationship that I introduced to my family. We met while I was getting ready to graduate and defend my Masters in the same graduate program. I first met her 4 months before then when she came to visit the program. I was attracted to her but it was obvious she had a girlfriend at least that was planning to move with her if she chose the program. Once she started the program she introduced her fiancé to the group. At that point I had two months left before moving states for a PhD program. So I tried to keep my head down and at least try to be nice without being too nice. I started to fall for her but knew it was inappropriate because she was engaged. A week before my defense she ended her engagement after finding her fiancé had cheated on her. I defended and a week after the group took me out for drinks to celebrate my next step before I went home on vacation. She was there. We both had a good time but she ignored me and wouldn't sit next to me and at the end of the night she pushed me against a pole and kissed me. My heart exploded with joy and with the help of alcohol my brain didn't push the feeling I had suppressed and her away. That night we spent the night together. Nothing happened because it was the time of the month for the both of us. The next morning we were supposed to meet the group to go cave hiking. We drove alone together and were late so ended up exploring on our own. A lot of my friends were concerned I was just a rebound. She assured me I wasn't. I stayed an extra week with her before going home. It was the best week of my life. She promised that she would work hard for our relationship and if it ever got tok hard she promised she would break up in person. So for the past year and a half we've taken turns driving 7h each way to see the other. Since we're both in school there's a lot of stress or times one of us had to compromise our plans. Throughout the long distance got harder and harder but eventually 2 weeks was nothing. But this time it had been a whole month without seeing each other. Concerns about the future increased for me. She will be finished in about  a year with her degree and 1-2 years for me. She recently got an offer from a school I really didn't like but told her I would look into things to do while she worked on her last degree. She always felt I wasn't and was just assuming. But I really had done my research. Our fights increased because I was always concerned and she was confident that I would follow her. 

Another issue we have had lately is about children. We don't have any lesbian role models that both are working towards a PhD and both want to use their degrees on a university level but it's very hard to find both of our areas in the same school. My concern is that I'm a hopeless romantic and have always imagined having my own children naturally. It seems like a lot to pay thousands for IVF with a donor for it to be cold and sterile and not loving. My partner can't have children so even though I think if she carried I would love the child like my own she can't. So the pressure is all on me. She encouraged me to join support groups or to go to therapy but I was always afraid that no one else felt the way I did about having a child and if we could make it sensual like on the L word that maybe I would be more comfortable in doing it  

She really seemed like my perfect match. The distance was killing us but we were so much stronger than when we started. We were constantly threatening the other that we were ending the relationship. In our last argument I made the comment that if she had male parts then it wouldn't be an issue because everything else about her was perfect. That totally crushed her   So instead of coming to me like planned she ignored my calls and texts and went somewhere else because she said she didn't feel safe because I would just want to put a bandaid on it and beg her to come back. She said she needed space and it wasn't any of my business where she went. She said I was emotionally abusive and that I needed friends because I was suffocating her. 

I don't know what to do. I feel hopeless and she even sent the police to make sure I wasn't committing suicide. I want there to be hope but I don't know if I can forgive her for leaving when I needed her the most. I could've gone home to visit my mom in the hospital but my mom wanted me to stay at school and my partner promised that she would be there for me. Then she broke up with me over the phone. 

Does anyone have any thoughts on what to do f she does come back? How to get over the fear of children? I don't think I can take 2-3 more years in separate states but I also don't want to move my life and give up on my dreams for her to leave me again.