Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

This community is for those who are in a gay marriage, and the unique challenges that may be had in a same-sex relationship. Find support and talk to others in a same-sex marriage, and get advice from the experiences of other members.

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/ Lesbian Relationship Challenges Support Group

ok first someone teach me to spell

NeverOver
NeverOver
I need to work on my abandonment(sp?) issues. I am having such a hard time losing my Bff due to this issue. Growing up (as old as my lower 20's) I have been left by more ppl than I can count my father started it out when he and my mother divorced. I got over that and then was sent to live with him. Two years later he turned around and drop me and my bro off at human services.. He never even said goodbye. I was 7 then. When I was 12 he came to see me in Maine where I was happily livin with my Mom. Told me how he was going to move to Maine and be my Daddy again.. it never happened within 2 months the calls stopped. I didn't hear from him again til I was 17. I refused to let him into my life for a while I graduated at the age of 19 and let him come. We stayed in touch til I was 23. Then he stopped answering the phone again(he has a good excuse severe depression and ptsd). I washed my hands of him then. My other family aunts siblings all walked out of my life. I got close to a man that was my first g/f's bff. He was great told me he was different than most men.. the dropped me when I left her. Understandable but still abandoned. The list of ppl who have left me is longer than anyone's attention span.
I want to know does anyone have a cure for the feelings? I am afraid to get close to anyone now. She seems to be the last straw. I stay in my room or in the house. I refuse to let myself get hurt again. I don't trust men period. I won't get close to any of them. I can't get passed the idea they will leave me and not care. My father has been dieing to talk to me for a year. I won't do it. Not for him to hurt me again. At this point I am afraid this issue will affect my life. I am afraid i will miss out on great things. I can't help it though I can't bear the heart break.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Find a good counselor - one with a PhD and experience with abandonment. It won't be fun (if the counselor is good), but well worth it. Life is too short to be misrable like you sound like you are. Sorry to hear this. Take a step and be brave.One step at a time.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Aw sweetie, I know crap like that is tough. I didnt speak to my father for 5 years. All that changed two months ago. I ended up running into him by chance & just told myself "I guess its time". Well, we talk now & I visit him sometimes, but we dont have a normal father daughter relationship. It really doesnt effect me though.....Im over it. He still pulls crap like he used to & I call him out on it, or if he stays in denial I just ignore him. I know that my dad & I have a FAR from perfect relationship, but I am glad that I finally got the nerve to speak to him again. I dont expect things to change between us though. Like.....Id never want him frequenting my house, nor would I ever leave my kids (if I ever have any) with him.....just because he's completely irresponsible. Plus, he annoys the crap out of me with his "victim play". I do not trust him in any way....that may not be the best thing to say but its the truth. He's had & still does to an extent a severe drug problem, he uses people & he's a compulsive liar. My point is my dad is a total jackass but Ive finally reached a point in my life to where I can "tolerate" being around him in small doses. I do not act like "daddys little girl" & I made it clear from the beginning that I didnt want anything from our past brought up. I dont think I could be around him if he did that. So, for now, things work the way they are set up. All & all its up to you. If you want to give it a shot then go for it. If you need counseling through this then that would probably be a good idea. But remember....you dont have to act like everything is peachy keen, but it helps if you can let go of the past & start over. Thats all that I found would work for me. Good luck in your decision.....but please dont wear yourself out thinking about it. Its not worth you breaking yourself down. Im here anytime you like.
DevonB
DevonB
People come into our lives and then leave. How long they stay depends on the paths we choose for ourselves. Nobody seems to stay forever.

You sound like you've had a difficult life. The fact that you've kept trying speaks to the strength that you possess. Everyone goes through periods of time where they feel down, and as if life has just gone too far, for them.

Counseling is a good idea. It helps you accept what has gone on in your life, and how to deal with what will happen in the future.

You can't isolate yourself forever. You need to live. You have to take your chances and put your trust in people. Some will let you down, there is no getting over that fact. The key is to place your trust judiciously. You need to be careful of how much trust you place in people. You will learn that in time.

Don't give up. You've come so far, and you deserve the happiness that will come your way one day. You need to persevere and believe in yourself.

Life isn't always fair, and it's very difficult to grasp that sometimes. But there are people worth knowing out there, regardless of how long they are in your life.