I’m 38 and I’ve always dated men...had sex with them, rather. I’ve never felt a connection with men other than for sex but that’s a whole other topic. I did experiment with a female friend in my early 20’s and we secretly slept together for about a year but once that was over I went back to men only. So last year I met a woman and we fell in love. No hesitations, told my family and friends, and now we’re engaged. Our sex life use to be AMAZING and very mutual...the attraction was intense and we stayed up all night sometimes. I know it can’t always be like that and I don’t expect it to be but the last 4 months or so it’s like I repulse her when I touch her...she literally CRINGES and pulls away from me. We’re still very affectionate when it comes to touching, all the time but if I touch her sexually, she gets a disgusted look on her face and makes noises like “ewwwww” and tenses up. But she still touches me and always tries to do things to me. If I say no or try to pull away she pulls my shirt up to get to my breast or forces her hand down my pants and doesn’t take no for an answer. She says she just doesn’t feel comfortable with herself because she’s gained weight over the last year, but I still think she’s sexy and sex is important to me, especially when I think about how we used to be and the intensity and passion we had. It’s definitely an extension of love to me. I’m just feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel self conscious because she’s been a lesbian her whole life so she has experience with both the relationship aspect and the sexual experience too. She’s amazing and the best I’ve ever had. As a woman, you would think I’d know how to make another woman turned on but I’m very intimidated and self conscious about it now more than ever because of her reactions to my advances. I don’t want it to be a thing that she feels obligated to have sex with me, so i don’t say anything and try to be patient for her and I to be in sync again. I know she’s been very sexual with past partners and even the other day said she’s never let herself go like she has now when she was talking about shaving downstairs, which is also another reason she doesn’t let me touch her sometimes. But I’m not a shaver so I always have hair therefore it doesn’t bother me that she does. So now in my insecure mind I took it as I’m the only one that she’s let herself go for, meaning she stayed on top of it for her exes so they could be ready to go at it any time. I know she’s been very sexual in the past because she’s told me stories of things they’ve done that she’s never even tried with me. She says she’s attracted to me but her response is different. With men it was so easy, the wind blows and they’re ready to go at it. My advances have never felt so repulsive before. Now I’m starting to feel like a toddler...you slap their hand away so many times they eventually stop touching things. Any tips or even guidance on how to be a better lesbian (as goofy as that sounds) would be appreciated. I just want the whole package, I miss being intimate and mindless about it.